Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 6/5/2008

Question
I married my husband on 6/7/07 he filed for divorce on 12/28/07 and called it off on 4/1/08.  We are back together now, we share no kids together but now he is back and forth in his mind about filing for divorce again.  He doesnt treat me like a wife is to b treated but he is abusive either.  I want to ask if I should go file for divorce?  I know its against God's rules but this man constantly throws in my face how I have given my body to other men and how he really doesnt have to be here helping me raise up my 3 kids. That he wants what he wants, that this isnt the life he imagined for himself, that I am all he needs in a woman but he doesnt want my kids cause his son is 10 but he calls himself a man of God being called to be a preacher and wants to do what God says do?  How can he with an attitude like that toward me and when I present the word to him about marriage he says I need to be quiet and uses it against me in a different way.  I dont know what to do but I have been praying.

Answer
Dear Kia,
   It sounds like you have a tough row to hoe, but filing for divorce would only add to your problems.  It SEEMS like it would be a way to show your husband that you aren't someone he can treat like he does, but actually it would just show that he's able to get to you.  And you'd be adding the financial costs to your troubles.
   He probably has problems he can't face or can't solve, that have nothing to do with you, but he's taking it out on you, so don't take it personally.  Just feel sorry for him and pray for God to help him, when he's lashing out at you.  It doesn't sound like he respects you enough to accept your help in dealing with his problems, so, if I were you, I would ignore him as much as possible when he's trying to put you down.  Like you should not reward your children who are misbehaving with extra attention, but if they do something right, you should give them your whole attention to reward them.
   Even the best of husbands should not be more important than your relationship with God.  Sometimes God allows problems in our lives to remind us that we should live and breathe each moment dependent on Him, not on people or things in this temporary life.  If the hurt and problems you have with your husband cause you to read your Bible more and pray more, then you will be better off than if you had no problems with your husband.
   Share throughout the day with your children the true nature of God from His Word, so they will not think less of God by the example your husband sets.  Ask God to show you how you can help others, especially your children, so your mind won't be dwelling on your own problems.  More than anyone else in the whole world, you have the influence with your children to make or break them in this life and for eternity.  I'm sure it's hard to stop thinking about your husband's put-downs, so you have to push those thoughts out by replacing them with scripture songs, verses, and ways to brighten the day for others.  Look for ways God wants to develop the interests and abilities He gave you, to bring glory to Himself.  
   In all you do, let God shine through with the unique potential He created just in you.
   Love,
   Priscilla