Expert: Thurman C. Petty, Jr. - 6/30/2008

Question
my husband and i are separated at this time.we have been together for eight years and married for 4yrs in aug the reason for our split up is i told him to move after i broke my leg and i did not here for him for 2 weeks before i told him this.he never called or came to see me and since his leaving he has had a affair and has had the water pge our po box and my car insurance turned off he has not given me any money to live on and i have not been able to work. he left in April and didn't even pay that months rent. i have been faithful to our marriage and have felt very hurt by his actions on this matter,he is a group leader at our church for men and i feel that he is not where he needs to be after doing all of this to me,before our separation he and i where not getting along do to his and my arguing over the bills they consisted of pge water phone and rent he felt that i should cook clean work and pay half of the bills we didn't even have a bank account together.also he has abank account with his mother as well as a costco card with both there pitchers on it and bought a truck with both there names on it. can this marriage be saved and if so what will it take.

Answer
Dear Jodi,

Thank you for your letter. I’m so sorry for the pain and suffering through which you are passing—both for the loss of your husband and for the physical pain of the broken leg.

From what you have told me, I don’t think your marriage to this man can be saved. He has made a complete break with you and has gone into the arms of another. He has, in effect, divorced you, even though the official paperwork has yet to be filed.

I am not a legal advisor, nor a trained counselor. However, through 27 years of pastoring, I can tell you this:

First: You need to tell the pastor of your church what has happened so that he can take the necessary action regarding your husband and his position in the church. He will also be able to counsel you spiritually, leading you to the foot of Jesus to receive His aid. It may be that the church will be able to help you with your financial needs, etc., as well.

Second: You need to get an attorney who will, in most cases, accept you as a client on the basis that he will be paid from the proceeds of the future settlement.

Third: You need to seek financial help from a charity in your area to keep you going until you can work this out. I’m not a Catholic, but I’ve learned that Catholic charities often help people in your situation. Salvation Army may help as well. There may be churches in your area that will provide financial or other help as well.

Fourth: Your attorney may do this; but if not, you need to notify the Attorney general of your city or state of your, and your husband’s, state of affairs. If he is willing he has the power to garnish your husband’s wages to pay for your utilities and rent, etc.

Spend much time in the Bible and in prayer. You need closeness to Jesus now as never before. He will fulfill your needs. Put yourself into His hands and let him take care of you. He is able to take care of all your needs if you fully trust in Him.

I suggest that you go to my web site www.PettyPress.com/books and read the book “Desire of Ages” by Ellen G. White. Reading about Jesus always helps us to look beyond ourselves to the God who created us, who sustains us day by day, who died to redeem us, rose from the dead, and now ministers to us in heaven above. Do this. It is necessary to give you strength of mind to take you through this time of trial.

More importantly, spend time reading about the life of Jesus in the Gospels. In other words, build a relationship with Jesus. He’s right there with you. You don’t have to ask him to come to you, all you have to do is believe that He died for you, rose from the grave, and is now right there in the room with you, even though you cannot see or feel Him. He’s only waiting for you to trust that He will give you peace and rest through this terrible time in your life.

Mat 11:28  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Isa 26:3  You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isa 26:4  Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Jesus will give you peace of heart in spite of your problems. This will help carry your through the difficulties through which you will pass. And listen to the four-fold promise He gives through the prophet Isaiah:

Isa 41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God bless you. I have prayed for you, and I believe that God will be with you.

Always be ready for Jesus to come.

Thurman C. Petty, Jr.
Thurman@PettyPress.com