Expert: Thurman C. Petty, Jr. - 9/1/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi Pastor Petty,

Thank you for answering this question and bless you for serving me in this moment.

We're taught that if we confess our sins that we're forgiven but I'm not well read enough to know if that's all it takes. What if I sin repeatedly against you for years without showing any remorse verbally or through new behavior yet I confess my sins to God and ask for forgiveness?

I know Jesus said, maybe paraphrasing here, "go and sin no more."

So do you have insight to this? I desperately need enlightenment.

I ask because I just read this (from Joel Osteen): "Oftentimes, the enemy will try to hold us back by reminding us of our past. Whenever you start to feel guilty or condemned, remember this scripture. If you have confessed your sins to the Father and have received His forgiveness, then you have been purified."

Thank you again, very much

Michael

ANSWER: Dear Michael,

Thanks for your question about the forgiveness of sin. Yes, the Bible says:

1 John 1:5  This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:6  If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.
1 John 1:7  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
1 John 1:8  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1 John 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I included the context here so that you can see how John led up to his conclusion. The promise to forgive our sins is a blank check, as it were: We must confess our sins—tell God all the gory details—and He will forgive. This is not because God doesn’t know all about it, but it’s for the purpose that God knows that WE know how wrong it is what we’ve done. And at this point God forgives us.

And Jesus said that as often as we ask forgiveness, God will forgive us—no holds barred:

Mat 18:21  Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Mat 18:22  Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
(or as the KJV renders it “seventy times seven”—or, as we’d say: “who’s keeping score?”)

There is, of course, the matter of repentance:

Acts 3:19  Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;

If we confess our sins God will forgive. But it may not do us any good unless we repent and are converted. Of course, repentance leads to the confession of sins.

God promises that He will forgive our sins when we confess them. He also tells us that He will:
1. Isa 38:17  Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast CAST ALL MY SINS BEHIND THY [HIS] BACK.
2. Micah 7:19  He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt CAST ALL THEIR [OUR] SINS INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA.
3. Isa 44:22  I have blotted out, AS A THICK CLOUD, THY [OUR] TRANSGRESSIONS, AND, AS A CLOUD, THY [OUR] SINS: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee. (From Jerusalem the clouds drift east over the dead sea rift in the earth. Jerusalem is at 2500 ft elevation [approx] and the Dead Sea is about 1200 ft. below sea level—and very hot. When the clouds drift over the hot air coming up from the Dead Sea rift, they dissolve and disappear. Just so, when we confess our sins to God, they just dissolve, and disappear.)

So you have it. When we repent and confess our sins, they are no more. If we sin again—such as with a habit, we break over and do it again—and we ask forgiveness, God forgives, and does the same thing. However, we must not get the idea that we must confess and ask forgiveness for something we have already confessed, for in such a case, we are saying: I don’t really believe that you forgave me. (In effect, you are becoming a scuba diver, and going down to bring up the sins God has cast into the sea!)

Nor should we sin on purpose, saying to ourselves, "It's OK, because I'll confess it afterward, and God will forgive me." That's presuming--tempting--God, and who says that we'll really repent and feel like confessing it later?

But when we confess, the sin becomes history.

Yes, guilt will come. Satan, as Joel Osteen said, will bring on guilt, trying to make us believe that God hasn’t forgiven us. But ignore him, or better yet, as someone said “when Satan knocks at the door, send Jesus to answer it. Satan will say, ‘Oops, I got the wrong house!’” or something like that. Satan wants to discourage us, destroy our faith in God, and eventually destroy us.

However, there is another type of guilt. The Holy Spirit will bring guilt upon us, not to discourage us or to knock us down, but to point out sins that we haven’t confessed. When we have confessed them, then the guilt disappears.

Of course, Jesus told the woman caught in adultery, “Go and sin no more.” (The story is in John 8.) There is no record of her confessing her sin, but Jesus forgave her anyway. And to us, when we’ve been forgiven, Jesus will say to us, “Go and sin no more.”

How can we do that? Paul tells us:

Gal 2:20  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but CHRIST LIVETH IN ME: and THE LIFE WHICH I NOW LIVE IN THE FLESH I LIVE BY THE FAITH OF THE SON OF GOD, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

If we let Jesus take control of our lives and ask Him to direct us; if we listen to the Holy Spirit when He says “This is the way, walk ye in it” (Isa. 30:21); if we open the door when Jesus knocks (see Rev. 3:20), then Jesus will give us all the power of heaven to keep us from falling (Jude 24) and give us victory over sin.

I wish you victory, and faith to believe that God does—and has—in fact, forgiven you when you confess your sins to Him.

Always be ready for Jesus to come,
Thurman C. Petty, Jr.
Thurman@PettyPress.com
Check out my website www.PettyPress.com where I’ve posted 18 books, 40 Bible study guides, and much more.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Pastor Petty,

If I may ask a follow-up question, I am extremely curious about repentance.

We all need forgiveness and I believe most of us ask it, not only from God, but from others. I know I need it frequently, even from those whom I love, respect and are important to me.

I'm going to step out and be specific -- I filed for divorce 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't want to but the pattern of deceitful behavior (big things) and excessive untruths told in the marriage crushed me. I know God hates divorce but I lost sight of that and filed. I had asked for one two years prior and was angrily told no. We were together nearly 15 years. No apologies for anything. That, however, I could have healed from but since then, a clean record has been stained repeatedly with false testimony -- stalking charges, continuance of that order (no tangible proof is necessary; the courts want to understandably err on the side of caution so someone doesn't end up critically or fatally hurt), protection from abuse order, and she's been shockingly physical with me as well after showing up raging mad at child exchanges. She comes over unannounced, has walked in uninvited, grabbed and slapped me in the mouth in front of the children, jumped in front of my car twice and sneered, told me it's all about "winning" in court, told my oldest daughter "he won't win. He never does. I do (true!)" in regards to court.

Thankfully, the children now live with me 70 percent of the time. Since the divorce, the lies, the legal persecution, car crashes with the children for which she was sued and settled, getting fired from jobs for, as she told me, for being "too extreme," a baby out of wedlock by some guy who was gone less than a year later, not telling me that my children were verbally and physically (but not sexually, amen) assaulted at a babysitter, not telling me she got married, not telling me her new husband has a history of drug arrests, was in jail and is now in prison, and using the courts to take the spotlight off of her.

No confessions, no asking for forgiveness ever for anything of significance. I'm experienced in this so I usually know when she's lying and I obviously know when legal charges are filed there is motivation.

Never even asks for forgiveness. I'm come to realize this woman, raised in church and whom also takes our girls to church (I do too), asks God for forgiveness and calls it good, finding no need to ask the person she violates repeatedly for forgiveness, no need to stop the behavior. I truly believe the enemy has total control of her and seriously, she is suffering from mental illness.

I pray for her often. I pray for her now toddler-aged daughter because my heart breaks for her (she's separated from my daughters 70 percent of the time...I've offered to watch her so she doesn't feel so rejected, although I don't say that, but am rejected).

I am tortured by all this. This Thursday, another court date to defend myself against something that did not happen and I know she is gleeful, knowing it always works. This motion is because I disagreed with her, that while I am definitely a sinner, she can't compare me as a parent with her new husband who is in prison, has a history of hard drug abuse, is in mental health care (I pray for him too), has two young boys he is not parenting, etc. I've told her I desire full custody with supervised visitation. This is her desperate attempt to prevent that change.

This is nothing new. She never stops. She never apologizes. Never tries to heal our relationship. I'm forgiving but I struggle in the flesh offering grace 70 times 7.

Advice?

God Bless and thanks for reading and responding to this long-winded answer.

Love you brother,

Michael

Answer
Dear Michael,

My heart goes out to you. I can imagine the hurt through which you have—and are still having—gone through these past years. I’ve been married for 48 years, and our marriage is almost blissful—now! But there have been many times through which we’ve passed when we came very close to divorce.

From what you describe it does appear that she needs to see a psychiatrist—not to say that’s she’s crazy, but she probably has some chemical imbalance. I understand something about this, because I have that problem. And it’s behavior from that very area that has caused so much difficulty in our marriage. Thankfully, I’ve had a doctor that has balanced me out, so I’m mostly stable.

Go to my website www.PettyPress.com, click on “Writings,” “Articles,” and read the article entitled “Family: It’s One of Satan’s Prime Targets.” I give a personal testimony in the article that will describe one situation through which we passed, although it was not related to chemical imbalance.

Michael, I don’t know what to tell you. I was a pastor 27 years, and since my retirement—a minister never really retires!—have had experience as well. I’ve seen so much pain, often similar to yours. I’ve tried to help, but more often than not have been impotent as a counselor. The couples themselves must solve the situations together on their knees.

But a counselor can help you find your way through it. You perhaps need a counselor to help you steer your course through this tumultuous time. Perhaps your Pastor, or a sympathetic psychologist, etc. could be of help.

I say, with respect to you, that most marital problems have two sides. Both members of a couple feed into the problem in one way or another—although at times it can be more one than another.

Prayerfully ask yourself: “What is it that I have contributed to this problem? What do I need to change that will help to solve it?”

Obviously you cannot change her, but in praying in this manner, you could become much more happy yourself, and thus better able to cope with the current problems.

Though it is difficult for you, I admire your forgiving spirit. As I said before, when it comes to forgiveness—who’s counting. Actually the most important part of the Lord’s Prayer has to do with forgiveness. “Forgive us our debts (sins) as we forgive our debtors (those who sin against us).” We cannot expect that God will forgive us if we are unwilling to forgive others who sin against us. Difficult as it may be, Michael, pray for grace to continue practicing heartfelt forgiveness of your wife and others who are involved with her.

I’m glad you’re praying for her and for her imprisoned husband. Some day she’ll wake up to her empty life and perhaps look up to God for help. And God will forgive her if she sincerely confesses. He loves her as much as He loves you and me.

I pray for you, Michael, and for your former wife. Don’t keep beating yourself over the head about the divorce. That’s history, and I’m sure you’ve asked for, and received forgiveness for that. But I pray for your continued faith in God. God will not allow anything to arise that it is impossible for us to handle.

1 Cor 10:13 (NIV) No temptation has seized you except what is COMMON to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN BEAR. But when you are tempted, he will also PROVIDE A WAY OUT so that you can stand up under it.

This is one of the most beautiful promises in the Bible. Claim it. Walk with God moment by moment, and He will see you through this. And He will do whatever He can for your ex-wife—within the bounds of her will, her power of choice. For God will never force any of us against our will.

Thank you for your trust in me. I will be happy to continue our discussion and to lend what support I can. You might find it more useful if you write me at my personal e-mail address.

Put your trust in God, for He can really help you through this mess.

Always be ready for Jesus to come,
Thurman C. Petty, Jr.
Thurman@PettyPress.com