Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 9/3/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi Pastor Carpenter,

Thank you for answering this question and bless you for serving me in this moment.

We're taught that if we confess our sins that we're forgiven but I'm not well read enough to know if that's all it takes. What if I sin repeatedly against you for years without showing any remorse verbally or through new behavior yet I confess my sins to God and ask for forgiveness?

I know Jesus said, maybe paraphrasing here, "go and sin no more."

So do you have insight to this? I desperately need enlightenment.

I ask because I just read this (from Joel Osteen): "Oftentimes, the enemy will try to hold us back by reminding us of our past. Whenever you start to feel guilty or condemned, remember this scripture. If you have confessed your sins to the Father and have received His forgiveness, then you have been purified."

Thank you again, very much

Michael

ANSWER: Hi Michael,

Thank you for this great question.  I think that we can get stuck here when we think that we can merit God's forgiveness or His grace.  There is nothing we can do to earn salvation or forgiveness.  Jesus paid the price on the cross because we could not pay the price by keeping any kind of moral law.

Galatians 2:21
21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Since this is the case, the Bible tells us that if we come to Jesus by faith, we are justified or declaired to be righteous.

Romans 5:1-2


Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: 2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Once we have been declaired to be righteous positionally, then we have the oportunity to confess each sin as we are comvicted of them.  He forgives us because we ask, not because we deserve it.

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: It is one of our greatest blessings that God forgives and God offers us grace.

If I may ask a follow-up question, what if someone asks for forgiveness daily from God, but does nothing to change their behavior and never apologizes to the person they continually hurt. What if that person, the aggressor, is a lifelong Christian and knows better, yet makes comments like "God's not here!" Or often contradicts what they've learned about Christ's love, mercy and temperance with angry, aggressive verbal and physical behavior as well as habitual untruths to the other person, and to others about the other person.

If I may please ask a follow-up question, I am extremely curious about repentance.

We all need forgiveness and I believe most of us ask it, not only from God, but from others. I know I need it frequently, even from those whom I love, respect and are important to me.

I filed for divorce 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't want to but the pattern of deceitful behavior (big things) and excessive untruths told in the marriage crushed me. I know God hates divorce but I lost sight of that and filed. I had asked for one two years prior and was angrily told no. We were together nearly 15 years. No apologies for anything. That, however, I could have healed from but since then, a clean record has been stained repeatedly with false testimony -- stalking charges, continuance of that order (no tangible proof is necessary; the courts want to understandably err on the side of caution so someone doesn't end up critically or fatally hurt), protection from abuse order, and she's been shockingly physical with me as well after showing up raging mad at child exchanges. She comes over unannounced, has walked in uninvited, grabbed and slapped me in the mouth in front of the children, jumped in front of my car twice and sneered, told me it's all about "winning" in court, told my oldest daughter "he won't win. He never does. I do (true!)" in regards to court.

Thankfully, the children now live with me 70 percent of the time. Since the divorce, the lies, the legal persecution, car crashes with the children for which she was sued and settled, getting fired from jobs for, as she told me, for being "too extreme," a baby out of wedlock by some guy who was gone less than a year later, not telling me that my children were verbally and physically (but not sexually, amen) assaulted at a babysitter, not telling me she got married, not telling me her new husband has a history of drug arrests, was in jail and is now in prison, and using the courts to take the spotlight off of her.

No confessions, no asking for forgiveness ever for anything of significance. I'm experienced in this so I usually know when she's lying and I obviously know when legal charges are filed there is motivation.

Never even asks for forgiveness. I'm come to realize this woman, raised in church and whom also takes our girls to church (I do too), asks God for forgiveness and calls it good, finding no need to ask the person she violates repeatedly for forgiveness, no need to stop the behavior. I truly believe the enemy has total control of her and seriously, she is suffering from mental illness.

I pray for her often. I pray for her now toddler-aged daughter because my heart breaks for her (she's separated from my daughters 70 percent of the time...I've offered to watch her so she doesn't feel so rejected, although I don't say that, but am rejected).

I am tortured by all this. This Thursday, another court date to defend myself against something that did not happen and I know she is gleeful, knowing it always works. This motion is because I disagreed with her, that while I am definitely a sinner, she can't compare me as a parent with her new husband who is in prison, has a history of hard drug abuse, is in mental health care (I pray for him too), has two young boys he is not parenting, etc. I've told her I desire full custody with supervised visitation. This is her desperate attempt to prevent that change.

This is nothing new. She never stops. She never apologizes. Never tries to heal our relationship. I'm forgiving but I struggle in the flesh offering grace 70 times 7.

Advice?

God Bless and thanks for reading and responding to this long-winded answer.

Love you brother,

Michael

Answer
Hi Michael,

Thanks for this follow up.  You can offer forgiveness, a restoration to ground zero, but you cannot give grace like God can.  You cannot give her your righteousness, you have none to give.  You can forgive, meaning, you can not hold it against her, but trust that God will do with her what is right and just.

1 John 2:19
19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Jude 3-4
3 Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. 4 For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Not everyone who claims to be a born again believer really is.  It sounds like this person may not have ever truly come to Christ.  This would explain her lack of repentance.  There is no conviction from the Holy Ghost.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don