AboutRev C.Brian Ross Expertise I am happy to offer answers to anyone with a question that refers to the Christian Faith in its widest possible sense. I believe that the Bible is the living Word of God, and seek to base all of my life on its teaching. I also have some knowledge of some of the cults, and of Islam and Judaism. Of course, my answers are just one man's thoughts, and I would always advise a questioner to check with others, and with the Word of God.
Experience Served as a full-time parish minister in Scotland for about six years, and then spent the last thirty as a teacher (now 'retired') of Religious Education in Secondary Comprehensive schools (ages 11-17) while continuing my own preaching and teaching ministry. I also believe that learning is a life-time process, and have recently completed a Master's degree in Divinity.
Organizations Former Presenter on Revival FM - a local Christian, community radio station, broadcasting in west central Scotland, and online at revival.fm Involved with a number of organisations that support Christians who are currently suffering persecution in some 70 countries around the world.
Publications Various articles in Christian magazines. I also have two blogsites - www.crazyrev.blogspot.com and (with audio messages) www.revcbross.blogspot.com
Education/Credentials Diploma of The Bible Training Institute, Glasgow;
Licentiate in Theology of the University of Glasgow;
Associateship of The Philosophical Society of England;
Bachelor of Arts Degree (Hons) in History from The Open University;
Post-grad Certificate of Education - Religious Education and History;
Post-grad Cetificate in Learning and Teaching;
Post-grad Diploma in Management and Learning in Education;
Master of Science Degree from the University of Strathclyde;
Master of Divinity Degree (Hons) from Trinity College and Seminary (accredited by the University of Liverpool)
Thank you for answering this question and bless you for serving me in this moment.
We're taught that if we confess our sins that we're forgiven but I'm not well read enough to know if that's all it takes. What if I sin repeatedly against you for years without showing any remorse verbally or through new behavior yet I confess my sins to God and ask for forgiveness?
I know Jesus said, maybe paraphrasing here, "go and sin no more."
So do you have insight to this? I desperately need enlightenment.
I ask because I just read this (from Joel Osteen): "Oftentimes, the enemy will try to hold us back by reminding us of our past. Whenever you start to feel guilty or condemned, remember this scripture. If you have confessed your sins to the Father and have received His forgiveness, then you have been purified."
Thank you again, very much
Michael
ANSWER: Hi Michael,
Thank you for what appears to be a truly heartfelt question. There are, I would suggest, a number of aspects to the answer. First of all, in Matt 18:21ff, we find Peter asking the Lord Jesus how many times he should forgive a brother who sins against him. Peter suggests seven times – and, presumably, felt that he was being very generous in doing so! Jesus, however, tells him that he should forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven! This was/is not an invitation to keep a count until 490, but a symbolic way of referring to unlimited forgiveness. We may reasonably assume that, if the Lord expects us to forgive in this way, that He will forgive in the same way.
However, we must also remember that there is a clear element of “conditionality” (I may have just coined a word!!) in the Lord’s forgiveness of us. In that model prayer – usually referred to as the Lord’s Prayer but, more accurately, the disciples’ prayer – Jesus said that we should ask that Father God would “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive others”. One writer points out that this is more than merely “letting someone off”, but is also “…promising that you will never bring up his guilt, and promising that you will never again bring up his offences to use against him.” (Jay Adams) This is certainly true of God’s forgiveness: you and I, as mere mortals, find that considerably more difficult! I suppose that love (agape) has a lot to do with it – in both directions. In that great passage about love (agape) Paul reminds us that love “… keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Cor.13:7); while Jesus, in Luke 7:47, points out that the measure of our love is a reflection of how much we see ourselves as having been forgiven.
The third aspect is, as you have rightly suggested, that of continuing sin – even after forgiveness. This time, we are thinking of it from the perspective of the “sinner”. If I have sinned against you, and have received your unconditional forgiveness, then I would hope that I would eventually be won over by your kindness. If I am not, however, that doesn’t (as I understand it) absolve you from the need to continue to forgive me. Of course, as a follower of Jesus, I would recognise His words, to which you have also referred, to “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).
So, there is a sense in which forgiveness is unconditional – from the perspective of the one who is forgiving; and a sense in which it is conditional – from the perspective of the one who is forgiven. Repentance (which is a totally different, although not unrelated, subject) is another aspect that should not be forgotten.
It’s a bigger topic than I am able to deal with in one answer. However, please feel free to come back to me with any supplementary question. If you are able to access it, I would also recommend the book 'The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness' by John MacArthur – in my opinion, one of the finest theologians alive today.
I trust that I have been of some little assistance.
Blessings,
C. Brian Ross (Rev)
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi Rev. Ross,
If I may please ask a follow-up question, I am extremely curious about repentance.
We all need forgiveness and I believe most of us ask it, not only from God, but from others. I know I need it frequently, even from those whom I love, respect and are important to me.
I'm going to step out and be specific -- I filed for divorce 4 1/2 years ago. I didn't want to but the pattern of deceitful behavior (big things) and excessive untruths told in the marriage crushed me. I know God hates divorce but I lost sight of that and filed. I had asked for one two years prior and was angrily told no. We were together nearly 15 years. No apologies for anything. That, however, I could have healed from but since then, a clean record has been stained repeatedly with false testimony -- stalking charges, continuance of that order (no tangible proof is necessary; the courts want to understandably err on the side of caution so someone doesn't end up critically or fatally hurt), protection from abuse order, and she's been shockingly physical with me as well after showing up raging mad at child exchanges. She comes over unannounced, has walked in uninvited, grabbed and slapped me in the mouth in front of the children, jumped in front of my car twice and sneered, told me it's all about "winning" in court, told my oldest daughter "he won't win. He never does. I do (true!)" in regards to court.
Thankfully, the children now live with me 70 percent of the time. Since the divorce, the lies, the legal persecution, car crashes with the children for which she was sued and settled, getting fired from jobs for, as she told me, for being "too extreme," a baby out of wedlock by some guy who was gone less than a year later, not telling me that my children were verbally and physically (but not sexually, amen) assaulted at a babysitter, not telling me she got married, not telling me her new husband has a history of drug arrests, was in jail and is now in prison, and using the courts to take the spotlight off of her.
No confessions, no asking for forgiveness ever for anything of significance. I'm experienced in this so I usually know when she's lying and I obviously know when legal charges are filed there is motivation.
Never even asks for forgiveness. I'm come to realize this woman, raised in church and whom also takes our girls to church (I do too), asks God for forgiveness and calls it good, finding no need to ask the person she violates repeatedly for forgiveness, no need to stop the behavior. I truly believe the enemy has total control of her and seriously, she is suffering from mental illness.
I pray for her often. I pray for her now toddler-aged daughter because my heart breaks for her (she's separated from my daughters 70 percent of the time...I've offered to watch her so she doesn't feel so rejected, although I don't say that, but am rejected).
I am tortured by all this. This Thursday, another court date to defend myself against something that did not happen and I know she is gleeful, knowing it always works. This motion is because I disagreed with her, that while I am definitely a sinner, she can't compare me as a parent with her new husband who is in prison, has a history of hard drug abuse, is in mental health care (I pray for him too), has two young boys he is not parenting, etc. I've told her I desire full custody with supervised visitation. This is her desperate attempt to prevent that change.
This is nothing new. She never stops. She never apologizes. Never tries to heal our relationship. I'm forgiving but I struggle in the flesh offering grace 70 times 7.
Advice?
God Bless and thanks for reading and responding to this long-winded answer.
Love you brother,
Michael
Answer My dear Michael,
My heart goes out to you, now that you have made me aware of the background to your earlier question.
As I said in my last answer, although repentance is a separate aspect, it is also an important part of this whole area of forgiveness. Reading the additional information with which you have been kind enough to entrust me, I realise that my first answer was less than adequate!
John MacArthur, in the book that I recommended, states that “There are times when forgiveness should be unconditional and unilateral, and there are times when forgiveness must be withheld until the offender repents.” (p.119)
I would say that the former covers the vast majority of times, but would accept that there are occasions when his latter stance is, indeed, more appropriate. It would appear that your situation is one of those.
In such a situation, it is often helpful for a third party to become involved. You state that your former spouse “…takes our girls to church…” and that she “…asks God for forgiveness…”.
Is the church fellowship that your wife attends the same one that you attend? If so, then the pastor might be the ideal person to mediate in this situation. He would be able to point out to her, from a more objective standpoint than you could ever do yourself, that while it is true that our primary repentance is toward God (Ps.51:4), it is also true that we are called to show the genuineness of that repentance through appropriate restitution (see John 3:8). In the particular circumstances that you share, I would have thought that a reference to II Cor.12:21 might be useful.
Regarding the question of divorce, that you mention, I agree (because it is clearly stated in Mal.2:16 albeit in a cultural context that assumes that it is the wife who is the “innocent” party) that God hates it. However, he hates all that falls short of His own holiness. The important thing is that He still loves you! My personal problem is with those who, having gone through a Christian marriage service in which they promised to be faithful to one another until God separated them by death, then divorce AND REMARRY.
Your situation is much deeper than can be properly dealt with via this sort of forum. I feel that I have still not given you adequate counsel, but trust that you will be able to involve another, in the spirit of Matt.18:15ff.
May you know a special filling of the peace of our loving God as you work this situation out – not forgetting that great promise given in Rom.8:28, that “… in ALL THINGS, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
