Expert: Glenn Hansen - 9/19/2008

Question
Hi,

I started reading the bible about 9 months ago and found where Jesus said that if a man or a woman divorces and marries another it is adultery and whoevers marries a divorced person commits adultery. Mathew included if a man divorces his wife except for fornication and marries another he commits adultery. Why then do so many churches marry divorced couples. Am I missing something here. I understand that if you are in Christ you are a new creation but if you do something that Jesus called adultery why would you do it then, and if you are remarried shouldn't you repent of your second marriage by disolving it? Please give me your thoughts on this.  

Thanks and God bless you
Sarah

Answer
Sarah, The teachings of Christ on marriage were delivered to the Jews. It was expected that both man and woman would be virgin when they married. In ancient Israel, premarital sex and adultery  could be punished by death. Even today, in certain cultures, non virginity is  grounds for the invalidation of the marriage. It is quite unusual nowadays for both partners to be virgins when marrying; consequently, one might conclude that the teachings of Christ, while certainly setting forth the ideal, can not be applied to most marriages today.

In 1 Corinthians 7: 15, Paul says that if an unbelieving spouse abandons a believing one, the believing spouse is no longer under bondage. Many people consider, on the basis of this passage, that abandonment is grounds for divorce. Paul actually suggests that people do not marry but rather remain in whatever state they were called.

While I appreciate your concern, there are a lot of issues involved in intimate relationships that only the partners are aware of; consequently, it is really unbecoming for "Christians" to be judging and condemning the marital choices of others.

Take for instance pastors who divorce and remarry and continue in the ministry. The only Biblical grounds they have for so doing would usually be considered adultery. But what kind of judgment does a pastor show when the life partner he chooses turns out to be an adulteress? We may choose to attend another church. But unless we are aware of things usually known only to the partners, it's not our place to judge the  marriage/remarriage  in an unfavorable way.

People need comfort and consolation from others. Adultery, divorce, and so forth, are devastating to those involved. It takes years to recover. Divorce and remarriage may simply be part of a pattern of dysfunction in the life that indicate a need for a closer relationship with Christ.

The Roman Catholic pedophile scandal is a good illustration of what can happen when people try to deny their basic instincts on the basis of their understanding of the Bible. Rather than judging and condemning those who have had misfortune in marriage, why not offer them support and encouragement?  Your own experience will be sweeter.

If you want to judge the quality or validity of marriage, start with your own. And if you are uncomfortable with the choices that others make, perhaps with good reason, find some new friends or a different church to attend.

Take care.