Expert: Paul Walker - 1/11/2009

Question
Here we are on a Sunday...born again believers in salvation by grace, through faith in Christ Jesus...without delving too deeply into a sob story, I was brought up in church, my father was a pastor, a legalist in the true sense of the term. After 18 years of this tough and lawful approach to church and family, he caused great destruction as a result of hypocrisy, deep judgmentalism, and finally a moral compromise that was lengthy, calculated and more than a misstep.
I thought it was going to be harder to deal with than it was. Christian liberty is surprisingly true, if you will, and the Holy Spirit of God truly heals. Time and patience are the keys to spiritual healing, I've learned. But removing myself from the scenario when the church disbanded and my father left the family, was certainly a way I was forced to move forward.
Just as I was beginning to feel that I could live with my head up in my hometown, not fearing who I would meet, or how I would live past the stigma anymore, another complication has arisen, and this time I feel I may be down for the count where church attendance is concerned.

My brother is now a pastor, and has started a church in our hometown...obviously, against all odds. Our family and a few old friends started the church together, with him as our pastor, out of my home. My husband and I are keenly aware of how difficult that can be, the dynamics that can arise, etc., but we felt we were led to open our home to be used as a starter facility for that much needed work. The church met in our home for 8 months and now rents a building downtown. Great story so far.
The home I refer to was being purchased from an old family friend (one who joined us in starting the church) through a land contract. The agreement was friendly and well conducted, and though we were experiencing deep economic difficulties, we were making the monthly house payments (sometimes late, but total payments made each month). The only hitch...had to do with the property taxes. We were making separate payments on a monthly basis to the property taxes, but were behind...not critically behind yet...but behind.
A situation arose this fall that the woman's (land contract holder) son, a man who refuses to work, and has lived off her income in his own large house on several acres of prime real estate the last 8 years. She decided she couldn't afford his dream home for him any longer, and felt he should have ours. Therefore, after having extended goodwill promises of trust and confidence in us regarding the property tax delay, she abruptly served us with eviction notice, ordering us to vacate in 10 days or be officially put out.
It broke us. Financially we were left with no money. It took every dollar we had to secure a place to live with no notice. We had to discard most of our personal belongings, and the hurt is deep.
They moved in immediately and began remodeling our house with not one speck of remorse...no statement of regret, no tender explanation of extenuating circumstances...not even a shrug in our direction. Friends for 20 years. The son's dream home now stands empty with a for sale sign in the yard, and she continues making those payments until the house sells in this current housing market.

Though we feel it is our home, we are truly too hurt to go to that church. Here's ultimately why: My husband was the songleader, an enthusiastic man of charity, loyalty and discretion...he was removed from his post by my brother, due to the complications. My brother is the pastor and has not called us one time! He heard the news, called to remove my husband as songleader, and has followed up no further. He would not even hear our side of the story. It's been over 8 weeks. He didn't speak a word to us at family Christmas. We are being treated in a way that we find completely confusing.
If this woman is after all indiscreet financially, and if that has put her in a position to ultimately make a difficult choice to our disadvantage...choosing to empower this lack of character in her son...why should that put us in this prejudiced position with our church?
We can't go back to the church that was my husband's home church before we married...they don't believe he should have married me because of what my father did and our "family's reputation" as a result.
How can I ever consider myself safe in fellowship with "God's people"? Why is this happening like this? It's been over 6 years since we've been able to feel established in the fellowship at a church we felt we were supposed to call home.
Please excuse my lengthy appeal...please answer as prayerfully and wisely as possible...what is going on?

Answer
1 Peter 5:6-10 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: (7)CASTING ALL YOUR CARE UPON HIM; for he careth for you. (8) Be sober, be vigilant; because YOUR ADVERSARY THE DEVIL, AS A ROARING LION, WALKETH ABOUT, SEEKING WHOM HE MAY DEVOUR: (9) Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. (10) But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, AFTER THAT YE HAVE SUFFERED A WHILE, MAKE YOU PERFECT, STABLISH, STRENGTHEN, SETTLE YOU.
1 Peter 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, THOUGH IT BE TRIED WITH FIRE, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Dear Kristina,
Contrary to the prevailing opinion of those in the "ministry", I cannot address your specific individual case to judge the right or the wrong of it. God is not quite as simple in his affairs with man as most assume. There could be dozens of aspects as well as people being dealt with in God's dealings in the events and situation you find yourselves in. All one can do is trust the Lord and study his word so one knows how God operates, then apply as fits. Very few are wholly, or even remotely, aware of the ways of the Lord in his dealings with men.
You are most certainly going though some tough times and as I sit here praying for the wisdom or just to have the words put in my mind that the Lord would have me say I pray that God would comfort and raise you up. Unfortunately, your story is not uncommon, it does, however, need much understanding in many things; the corruption of the idea of the leadership of the Church & ministry, the infiltration of the lost into the Church (80% of our nations Church membership claim no relation with Jesus Christ & only 7% of our nations population are born again believers in Christ), the unspiritual saint, etc. But, first things first.
God tries the faith of his saints, chastises those that are his, as well as just uses them for his purposes. Which or what combination would apply in your case I cannot say. However, there are certain things you should know and are expected to do.
1. Matthew 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, HOW OFT SHALL MY BROTHER SIN AGAINST ME, AND I FORGIVE HIM? till seven times? (22) Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN.
I do not know the details of your contract, but you should have been prepared for the full enforcement of it, regardless of any non contractual grace or favor, things change; that is why we make contracts, to protect those that fulfill their end from things changing on the other end. As difficult as this may have been, and I have been through a bit myself and know how difficult it was, we must forgive for our own sakes and not let bitterness take control of our hearts.
Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man FAIL OF THE GRACE OF GOD; lest any ROOT OF BITTERNESS SPRINGING UP TROUBLE YOU, AND THEREBY MANY BE DEFILED;
Matthew 6:12 And forgive us our debts, AS WE FORGIVE our debtors.
I do not know what is in the Ladies heart, but knowing how she was catering to her son in the first place would have been and indication of trouble. You should have taken this into account. Feel sorry for her, never enter into any dealings such as this with her without a firm legal contract of which you are prepared to meet, but forgive, for your own sakes forgive and forgive all that are concerned as a testimony of your faith and trust in Christ.
2. 1 Corinthians 11:31-32 For if WE WOULD JUDGE OURSELVES, WE SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED. (32) But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world.
Look inward first, examine yourselves and purify your hearts. Make sure you and your attitudes are right with the Lord. This would include the accomplishment of item #1.
John 15:2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, HE PURGETH IT, that it may bring forth more fruit.
Who knows, the Lord may be just preparing you for future service.
3. 2 Timothy 2:15 STUDY to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
I highly recommend you get yourselves a King James Version of the Bible and read, read, read. You can not understand God's word until you know God's word. I will not belabor the point here, but I stand by and put my faith in what the Authorized Version of 1611 says.
4. Romans 8:28 And we know that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
"All things", EVEN THE BAD THINGS. Trust the Lord, he knows what you have need of and will not place more than you can bear upon you.
1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is COMMON TO MAN: but God is faithful, who WILL NOT SUFFER YOU TO BE TEMPTED ABOVE THAT YE ARE ABLE; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
James 5:9-11 GRUDGE NOT ONE AGAINST ANOTHER, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. (10) Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for AN EXAMPLE OF SUFFERING AFFLICTION, AND OF PATIENCE. (11) Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that THE LORD IS VERY PITIFUL, AND OF TENDER MERCY.
In closing I want you to understand that the Lord is at the door, his return is imminent, we are in the last days and all is corrupt. If you are going to serve the Lord you will have to learn to stand on your own, an army of one.
Ephesians 6:10-18  Finally, my brethren, BE STRONG in the Lord, and in the power of his might.  (11)  PUT ON THE WHOLE ARMOUR OF GOD, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  (12)  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  (13)  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and HAVING DONE ALL, TO STAND.  (14)  STAND THEREFORE, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;  (15)  And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;  (16)  Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.  (17)  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:  (18)  Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
I would recommend that you and your husband, read and study yourselves and learn to know what the Bible says, understanding will follow. Speak out for the Lord, that is witness to the lost about your faith, not in the name of a local Church but in the name of the Lord. Going to Church is not service to God, it is God's comfort to you and if at this time you are without it do not worry about it. Find your own ministry. My family has two brothers in Christ, one in the Philippines and the other in Togo, that the Lord put us with that we communicate with and aid in the ministry. Find your own service apart from any membership in a local Church.
As far as a Church goes, see if you have one in your area that holds to the KJV and attend, maybe several, but do not join anything for awhile. Relax, as I said, "formal Church" attendance is not service to God. Seek those who are standing and serving on there own, then help others to do so.
I hope that this helps. If I can be of any other service to you please contact me, either here or at paulwalker@aficj.org.
Your Servant In Christ Jesus,
Paul Walker