Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 10/14/2009

Question
Dear Pastor, Greeting you in the name of Lord Jesus. My heart is grieved with a big confusion. I am in love with a married man who has 2 male kids of age 9 and 4 and i want to marry him and want to be a part of his family, he also loves me and wants to marry me.

This may appear to be a sin or cheating in the eyes of many people but initially we didnt start our friendship with any such intension. He is not having mental closeness with his wife and was not respected by her. She hates his parents and her inlaws. His marriage life was simply running like a commitment and duty and there is no love between them.

I happened to be close to him and his family with the only intention of good friendship and to offer help to his family and to guide them spiritually in Lord Jesus. But at some point of time after 3 and half years, we both felt that we cant depart each other because of our extreme love and care for each other.

we have not done any immoralty and we didnt decide to marry for any worldly advantages like money, education, status,etc. I am not able to leave him and depart for the sake of the worldly rule of one man should have one wife. I am not having any intentions to separate him from his wife and children, i only want to join in his family and pour him my deep love and moral support and support in his difficult times, which he can never get from his wife. Even his parents accepted me as their daughter in law and they are pouring their affection to me as they want their son's life to be happy with a loving wife. I also treat them as my own parents and i am pouring my love and care to them.

There is much more to say, which i am not able to express in this passage, but the truth is we both love each other very deeply and truly and we are very frank in our talk and seek each others happiness. I have many times taken care of his both children and they too have affection for me equal to their mother. I dont have any plan to have one more child for me due to financial situations and with the cause that childrens should not get mentally disturbed in any way. I think them as my own children and having a motherhood heart to take care of them like my own kids.

Through me and some of his friends, he also accepted Jesus Christ as his Saviour and now he is spiritually very strong, which i am proud of. His wife also knows our decision but she strongly opposes to accept me, and she is very cruel to me and her husband more than usual and even her children dont respect her. I am not telling about her in a complaining sense or to show myself as good and she is bad. The true facts i wanted to reveal in this mail.

I am in a decision that, whether i will be able to marry him or not but i will be faithful to him life long and live single and only have mental contact with him, because if i depart from him, i cannot tolerate that pain and we both will feel no meaning in life and have to run the life as a duty to lift up children.So i decided to be his wife without the knowledge of others, but with physical purity till God approves our marriage.

The only 2 options i have in my life is either if God does a miracle we both can happily live together as husband and wife and be a family filled with Lord presence, love, peace and joy, or
I will remain single and be faithful to my husband according to my heart and be pure physically and live a dedicated life for him and concentrate on some social service. Whatever God decides, we both are ready to accept and obey His will in our life.

Requesting you to please pray for our life and to suggest us. I know that God hates divorce, but will God permit for a second marriage in circumstance like ours? I am very confused, and i have lot of fear that i should not do anything against the Lord's will, because i have to answer him in the day of judgement.

I am ready to wait patiently life long for answer from the Lord. Please pray for me and suggest me. May His will happen in our life. In Jesus mighty name. Amen  

Answer
Hello.
You have gotten into a difficult situation.  In the early stages it would have been much easier to apply Biblical solutions.
When two people get married, they follow the Bible verse in Genesis 2:24.  "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one
flesh".  When a marriage is performed, the couple stand in a church, before many people and promise before God that they will stay together through sickness and health, good and bad, and only death will separate them.
This is a very serious promise.  When the love may leave the marriage, the commitment should carry it on.  The promises were forever.
I would suggest that you gradually remove yourself from this situation, and begin praying for his wife to also become a Christian.
Find new interests.  God will have a perfect man for you, if you will be patient.
Read the Bible constantly.  Reach out to folks that are in need.  Use your energy in this way, and you will slowly see that this world is temporary.  When you help someone for the Lord, you are doing an eternal thing.  We, sometimes become selfish, and look only at what we want that pleases us, when we should be looking to help others that are less fortunate.
John 3:16  For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.
I will pray for you as I send this.
Your friend.