Expert: Messianic Rabbi Yochanan Levine - 2/11/2009

Question
As you may guess from the subject line, I have been living in an unconsummated marriage (for over a year). I have been struggling with a question of the importance of consummating a marriage. The One Flesh principle from Genesis 2:24 was read at our ceremony and our pastor made several references to being friends and lovers. But it has never been clear to me what lack of consummation means in my situation in Biblical terms. I already know about the the pain it causes.

The only real reference to this subject I have found has to do with Catholic annulment. I am Lutheran so Canon laws are unfamiliar territory to me. My marriage councilor has repeatedly suggested parting ways, but that is hard to rationalize from my Christian upbringing. But this topic is not exactly Sunday morning conversation either.

I would be interested in your thoughts on this matter and Bible references that you may feel would be helpful.

Greg

Answer
Hi Greg,

There isn't much about this in the Bible. The verse you cite from Genesis is the main one. Also I Cor. 7 shows one of the main reasons marriage is sacred.

I Corinthians 7  
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

In my opinion true marriage is that which is consummated harmonious with God's Will. Therefore if the marriage has not been consummated then in my opinion you are under no biblical requirements to remain with it.

Hope this helps,

~ Pastor John