Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 6/16/2009

Question
And her father won't push her out. This woman is almost 40,has lived with her father now for the past 3-4 years, most certainly uses drugs, is a thief and never intends to move out of her father's house. He won't tell her to either,not even on some type of schedule and seems to think that allowing her to stay is an honorable and Biblical thing to do. At one point I had hoped we would marry, but when he let me know she would still live with us, I said no. She even gave the custody of her child to her ex-husband and barely does anything for the boy (12) when she does pick him up. Other than using drugs, neglecting her son, and stealing, she does have a friendly personality (to your face) but I am angry that I feel she has come between me and her father. He still wants a relationship with me, but I feel that it would be wise not to even try for friendship, considering how I feel about him. I guess my question was what does the Bible say about how to treat adult children like this, for one and the other is: do you have any advice or help for me on what I should do in this situation?

Answer
Dear Arlene,
    I apologize for taking so long to answer.  Our internet provider had storm damage so we were off line for a few days.
    The Bible clearly says a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, but it’s not so clear about a daughter.  
    The father may feel guilty for his daughter not turning out very well, or he may feel she helps him in some way.  
    I believe that by allowing his daughter to stay with him, the father is condoning her drug use.  I agree with you that it doesn’t seem wise to even try for friendship since he is agreeing with her rather than with you.  For marriage to have a chance to succeed, husband and wife must consider each other first before any children.
    It’s possible the father will ask his daughter to leave if he realizes he has to choose between the two of you, but even if she leaves the home, she would be a thorn-in-the-flesh if you married into the family.
    If your life has been entrusted to God completely, He will guide you with His wisdom and strength, as you read His Word (Bible) everyday and pray for Him to help you apply what you read to your daily decisions.  
    Matthew 6:33 is a good verse to sing and consider every day.  “Seek ye first the kingdom of God (desire God’s will first) and His righteousness (not your own goodness) and all these things (life needs) shall be added unto you.” Allelu, Alleluia!
    Sincerely,
    Priscilla