Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 10/30/2010

Question
Both my husband & I marriage for 17 years in a church, Our children have grown up, some married/attached & the youngest daughter is still studying at secondary school & stay with us. In the past my husband seldom attended Sunday Worship at church with me. I used to attend church alone. It is very strange, when my husband is having affair and discovered by his mother, and his mother told me and he also told me about it. Since then, I was very sad and felt my life has been destroyed by him, I could not believe it that he was unfaithful to me. He had lot of excuse to humanliate & scold me. He treated me as though I am at wrong and not him. Per my husband, it is very natural for him to marry two wifes & staying togethre with him. I told him. he has committed adultery sin and I can not accept the outside woman to stay with us in our house. This is my home and that outside woman has no place in our home. I object to his request & did not allow him to marry the outside woman. He promised me in Jesus name that he will leave that outside woman. But his action did not reflect what he promised me even in Jesus name. My non Christian sister, daughters, son & friends advised me to divorce him. They said I am a kind woman and he is no worthy for my love. After my husband has an affair, he started going to church with me to attend Sunday worship. I do not know why he did that.

During this period of time, I prayed to God and read his word daily. I am surviving daily with God's love.
I told my daughters, son, sister & friend that I have made decision to follow & obey Jesus. I have been praying very hard and seek God for help. God has shown me the following bible verses, I hope you can explain to me what God message to me & what should I do. I replace some word to indicate me & my husband situation.

1. Matthew 6:14 "If you forgive your husband the wrongs he has done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive your husband, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.
2. Roman 12:14-21 I shared key verse "Never take revenge, my sister, instead let God's anger do it. For the scripture says:I will take revenge, I will pay back,says the Lord.If your husband is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink, for by doing this you will make him  burn with shame. Do not let evil defeat you; instead conquer evil with good.
3. Psalms 86: A Prayer for help.

4. 2Samuel12:1-23 This about Nathan's message and David's repentance.

Please englighten.

Answer
Thank you for sharing your situation with me.  It is a very difficult time for you, I am sure.  It is good that you have Christian friends to give you encouragement regularly and that you are reading your Bible and asking Jesus for the answers.  It is true that to be forgiven, you must be able to forgive others.  Remember that we are forgiven when we are truly sorry for our sins.  Then we are forgiven by God.  There is no pretending.  If your husband has really repented for his wrongs, then you must agree with Jesus that he is forgiven and do the same.  I would continue to pray for your family, that God will do a great work there.
I'm glad to see that you are using God's Word to find your solutions to the problem.
Keep me updated on the situation, and I'll be praying for you.
Your friend.