Expert: Scott Talbot - 11/29/2010

Question
Scott, I just wanted to thank you for your patience, time and  expertise. It's been a spiritual battle, but I know that I have to do what is right. You were the last individual to help me steer through this course with my mom's church. I told her yesterday about my intentions of no longer fellowshipping with her church, and that I am very uncomfortable worshipping with there; that the Spirit of the Lord is putting in my heart to continue my spiritual walk with the Assemblies of God. But oh my goodness the whole time I am talking with her she put on this arrogant, mean, disgruntled face, and chewed me out every time I tried to explain something!!! That is exactly why too I can no longer worship in this (whatever they are)! They do not teach and exhibit the fruit of the Spirit that I have read of in the book of Galatians. She didn't even give me an opportunity to explain my reasons for leaving! Well, today I stopped by my parents' house after work and she did not say a word to me; didn't even turn to look at me when I greeted her:--(my goodness...it makes me wonder whether she is a Christian sometimes). She probably won't talk to me for several days...by the way she told me yesterday that I would be outside of God's protection because this is the church where the family was planted (I have 2 sisters) and that I am taking myself out of God's protection by wanting to go worship elsewhere____ (she added: "Check that out. IS that the Holy Spirit that told you to divide with the family to go somewhere else and worship. God doesn't like schism".) After yesterday's conversation, I am even more frightened for my mother. I think that she is using schism in the wrong context. Isn't schism having to do with divisions (factions) among members of a church? Scott, besides this, is there any hope for my mom? Thanks.
Jamila

Answer
Jamila,

I am sorry that your mother responded the way she did, but I am not surprised. The attitude that this church is the only good church, and that all others are evil ... well, let's just say I've heard that one before, and it certainly isn't true.

Your mother talks of schism, but she is the one responsible for the divide. She could graciously accept the fact that you're free to worship where you choose ... and she should be happy that you are a Christian and even want to attend a church where you can learn and grow. There are many Christian parents whose children want nothing to do with God or church. You WANT to be involved in church, you WANT a growing relationship with God, and yet she chooses to treat you like you're committing a terrible sin.

Again, I believe that your mother is absolutely convinced of her position. It's difficult to cut through the indoctrination to show her the dangers of her belief system. It will take time.

In the meantime, I honestly think that a gracious attitude would be most effective in dealing with her. Be kind, loving, and even try to be understanding. Try not to condemn or accuse. This only encourages one to dig in his heels more deeply.

It's hard to say what it will take for her to finally see through the lies. For me, it was a combination of things. First, I saw the hypocrisy of those who taught one thing and did another. They insist on perfection, but we ALL fall short. Second, I saw a system built on control and manipulation by guilt. This is an ugly picture. Third, underneath all the rules and the facades, I saw a distinct absence of love--love for God, and love for one another. If these are the greatest commandments, then a failure in these areas proved to me that something was seriously wrong. Finally, I saw logical problems with many of their rules. Does the Bible really regulate music? Does it give specifics regarding hair length and proper attire? Does it dictate that only the King James Bible is a legitimate translation? I saw the weak arguments behind these.

For you, it's best to break away from that environment and find a healthier environment in which to grow. You will feel the cob webs starting to clear and a sense of "refreshment" as you clear the air of their indoctrination.

Scott