Expert: Glenn Hansen - 3/22/2010

Question
my whole entire life my mother has had this type of mindset that i am nothing or i am a mess up in life.  i work every day i own my home i have been married for 19 years.  my marriage hasnt been best and i have recently seperated.  i was raised in pentecostal church where my mother still attends.  i myself attend church but i dont belong to any but i have a realtionship with God i talk to him and pray all the time.  i read spiritual books and i am jus t trying to be okay and live life.  my problem is i am not good enough for my mother she had me when she was 16 and from time i became teenager she been trying to make sure i didnt have sex or be with boys.  i recently seperated from my husban 4 months ago but we were seperated in the house for over a year.  i now have a boyfriend and my mother is in a uproar she called me all kinds of sinner names and she is obsessed with telling me how wrong i am for bieng with someone while i am still married.  my marriage has got to point where it is pretty bad husban on drugs and jus t not being a husband to me.  although i was raised that adultery is wrong and i do see that in the bible, i like i said have a relationship with god i think god knows my heart.  i dont think it is up to my mother to chastise me call me sinner and stuff like that or demeen me because of what i chose to do at the age of 43.  she says pretty nasty things and she is a christian and she says thesse things in the name of god and her making it to heaven and me or nobody else stopping her.  i dont believe god is involved witht he things she is saying i think it is her inability to control me that is making her so angry.

Answer
Vickie, If I understand what you are saying, it sounds as if, at 43, your husband, a drug addict, is not attending to your womanly needs. Now you have a boyfriend who is behaving as your husband should. Your mother finds this unacceptable.

God does know our heart. We are sinners. It is perfectly natural for you to desire to be treated as a woman by a strong, loving man. After all, you are not your husband's nanny, you are his wife. If he is going to disrespect you, what does he think will happen?

Sure adultery is wrong. Your husband neglecting your womanly needs is wrong, too. You may as well get your clock cleaned real good. Then find out if there is anything left of your marriage. Be respectful to your mom. Probably best to avoid her until you work this thing out.

There are worse things in the world than divorce. 19 years is a long time. Be grateful for the good times.

God will help you. He doesn't neglect us.

Take care