Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 7/7/2010

Question
Many years ago someone close to me did a truly evil thing to someone else close to me. (I don’t want to go into details, but this was not something trivial. It was not just unpleasant, irritating or annoying. It was EVIL – the kind of thing that destroys people’s lives, reputations and families. Please just take my word for it and go from there.)

I stopped associating with her. As time went by, I learned it was not an isolated incident – she has spent her life – from childhood till now – spreading truly horrible lies to and about people close to her.

She was very good at hiding her deeds, so they never knew the lies she was telling about them. I never told any of those people what she had done and most of them are dead now. They died believing her lies about me, about each other and other people. She has never acknowledged what she did and as far as I know continued doing the same kind of thing.

How do I forgive her? I am not in contact with her and do not wish to be. A few hears ago, I began praying for her and for the people she harmed with her evil. All that did was reopen it in my mind. The outcome was that I was so distracted that I stopped praying daily, as I had done for years.

I am in my 60s and believe that I will one day be forgiven as I have forgiven others. How do I forgive her? I am thinking of beginning to pray daily, “Dear Lord, help me forgive her so that you will forgive me.” My concern is that is will just keep her evil fresh in my mind.

Answer
Dear Jo,
   It may help to feel that you have forgiven her if you realize her terrible sins will be punished horribly forever unless she repents and is willing to accept God's Way through Jesus our Lord.  If you've asked God to forgive your sins and entrusted your life to His leadership, then God can help you pity her and keep her out of your thoughts.  
   If God wants you to help her repent, He will help you share your hurts with her, as well as God's healing, so she will face her evil and be encouraged to trust God's forgiveness or face terrible punishment.  
   Romans 12:19 assures us that God will not overlook evil.  God's judgment is for sure, so we can pity the sinner and move on, unless God wants us to help them repent.  Obviously you could not help her, feeling like you do, unless it would be with God's supernatural power.  Anyway, God probably just wants you to move on, leaving her to God's concern.
   Read the Bible every day and allow God to change you to reflect His glorious image more and more each day! II Corinthians 3:18
   Sincerely,
   Priscilla