Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 12/11/2011

Question
My girlfriend and I are both divorced and are creating our new relationship from a god centered foundation.When the question of our intimacy arises we are committed to not having sex before marriage. When we are together we have a difficult time balancing what we think the bible means and what the actual original words are defined as saying. What does God expect of us? Is it the literal definition illicit fornication only or is it any touch and if so at what level? Can we have physical touch and loving but not intercourse? Can we hold each other naked but not have sex? Can we pleasure each other with our hands but not beyond? Being a mature adult having experienced all the good and bad in relationships we are striving to do things right building a God centered relationship and also fostering our growing intimacy and love.

Thoughts?

R1

Answer
Hi Lars,

Thanks for this great question.  The word for fornication is the Greek word "pornea" from which we get our English word, pornography.  Pornography refers to pictures of a sexual nature, not just intercourse.  If you had pictures of people pleasuring each other naked, it would be considered pornography... consistant with the original meaning of the word translated fornication.  

The Bible tells us that there is only two ways to avoid the sin of fornication:

1 Corinthians 7:1–2 (AV)
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


1.  Either don't touch (at all)
or
2.  Get married.

This is how to avoid the sin.  Do not try to redefine fornication as only intercourse.  This is not how we were designed.  God designed sex to be between a man and a wife and He designed it so that once touching happens (foreplay) intercourse will eventually follow... In short... don't start something you should not finish.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don