Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 8/30/2011

Question
Hello Mrs. Lyons,

I have been using this sight for quite some time now and I have found it quite helpful, but I still feel confused and distressed over a particular sin. Let me explain. (Oh and I apologize in advance for the long letter.)

About two months ago I was on my computer watching a video tutorial, but it was not working properly and I got a bit annoyed. I then had a really horrible thought.

"God get this working...even Satan get this working. I would sell my soul to get this working."

I immediately got really scared for thinking that thought and told myself.

"The devil isn't the way. He only leads to death and damnation."

The thought has been ripping me to pieces ever since. And every day and at times almost every few minutes I ask God to forgive me for thinking that terrible thought.

I since spoken about this with family, friends, my pastor, and even a pastoral counselor. They all tell me that I had a bad thought and that's all. I understand that we all have bad thoughts sometimes, after all we are all sinners.

And although I don't believe I meant that terrible thought another one keeps coming up. "What if you meant it?" Frankly the idea that I would "actually" want to sell my soul realyl bothers me and is very hard for me to accept.

As I said I have been asking God to forgive me for thinking the thought and to forgive me if any part of me (no matter how small) meant it. But I keep wondering if that is enough.

What is really upsetting about all of this is I know God forgives all sins, even if I did actually try to sell my soul, but like I said that is very hard for me to accept. But I read once that in order to be forgiven you have be specific

I know thinking that thought was wrong and I am truly sorry for thinking it.

I really hope this is all making sense.

I know this is alot to take in and I am sorry for that. I am not even sure I know what you could say. But do you think I sold my soul? And is my confession enough?

Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated and again I am sorry if this seems a bit "heavy", but I just wanted to get it all out.

Answer
Dear Alexander,
   Thanks for writing.  I don't think you've sold your soul because if you did, you wouldn't want forgiveness.  You wonder if confessing and asking for forgiveness is enough.  As you've said, God does forgive this, but what might be helpful is realizing that God made us to rely on Him all the time for His goodness and power to live a constantly growing and changing life.  
   He wants more than just to mop up our mistakes (our sins--which He does forgive).  He wants a relationship which expresses our gratefulness to Him for His presence all the time, asking Him for guidance and strength for each and every little or big decision, every frustration, or feeling.  
   We were created to reflect His image not our own image. Gen.1:26  We can't do that trying to be "good" on our own.  That would be our own image reflected in the mirror of our life.  As we focus on Him, reading the Bible and praying anytime, we are allowing His glorious image to shine through our lives, instead of thinking only about ourselves and what we want to accomplish.
   II Corinthians 3:18 "But we all, with open face (don't hide anything) beholding (keep your attention or focus on) as in a glass (mirror--God's Word, the Bible-James 1:22-25) the glory of the Lord (not our own goodness), are changed into the same image (changed to be like Him) from glory to glory (not all at once but continually), even as by the Spirit of the Lord" (not by our strength and wisdom but by the Holy Spirit in us).
   As Paul says in Philippians 3:12-14 "Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend (understand and incorporate into my life) that which I am apprehended of Christ Jesus (what He wants me to understand and live).  Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: (understood everything and put it all into practice--God is still changing me) but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Keep your attention on God through Jesus Christ in you.
   When your doubts of forgiveness come, read I John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  God said He can be just (legally correct, true justice) in forgiving your sins because the perfect sacrifice of Jesus' life and resurrection is valuable enough to pay for all sins.  
   You're right in not feeling worthy and having trouble "feeling" forgiven.  We don't deserve forgiveness.  Nothing we can ever do can make us worth His forgiveness.  So we don't consider His forgiveness lightly, but, instead, accept His gift of forgiveness gratefully, asking Him to help us listen and follow Him more closely so we don't continue to sin (read Romans 6).  
   Only when we read and follow the Bible are we going to fulfill our created purpose of reflecting His image.  
   I'm so thankful God gave me purpose and the Way (Jesus) to fulfill that purpose.  I pray that you will be filled with His Spirit (energy) to continue living for Jesus.
   Sincerely,
   Mrs. Lyons