Expert: Paul Walker - 11/1/2007

Question
QUESTION: I am currently engaged and my fiancee and I are doing are best to be married on December 7 of this year. We love each other very deeply, so deeply that we were ready to be married after only a month of dating. We would get married right now, but financial things keep that from happening. We are living together against our parents wishes because he was leaving to college and I did not want to part from him, also because I am going to attend that same college next year. But we are not having sexual intercourse.

Our arguments and questions have been, what does the Bible define as sex? He believes you can do anything short of intercourse and you are okay. I am not so sure. Help, please?

ANSWER: Dear AJ,

Abstain from all appearance of evil.
1 Thessalonians 5:22

Regardless of your definition of sex, you are defaming the name of Christ Jesus simply by living together unmarried. There is no valid excuse for doing so no matter what the circumstance or what hardship we are to endure if we choose to do what is right.

You do not say whether you are saved or not, but I hope you have trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Romans 10:9-10

We are called to deny ourselves and glorify the Lord notwithstanding any suffering we might have to go through.

I hope you will reconsider your actions, as for your question, biblically, you have no right to fondle or take any liberties until married.

Your Servant in Christ Jesus,
Paul Walker

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have seen that verse quoted many times, but do not understand why or how exactly that translates into not living together unmarried. After all, I don't understand why is it different to live with a roommate than someone you romantically love. I suppose the quote means don't do anything that might appear to be sinful in front of others?

Unfortunately, though my fiancee and I are saved, there were many things we did not know, such as what we were allowed to do as a couple. We do wish we could take it back, and will so pray on this, and repent and no longer continue to do it until marriage. As for living together, in our present situation, we can't afford to change our living arrangement, except to leave each other homeless. All we can do is speed up our marriage date.

One more question, if you are not married by a pastor, is your marriage still recognized by God? Thank you for all your time.

Answer
Dear A.J.,

It is not unfortunate that you are saved, but it does put a higher standard and greater responsibilities upon us. You are not the only saints to fail to meet those requirements. I too, for one, was ignorant of many things as well as double minded. It took the Lord some time to beat it out of me.

The greatest failure is in the Church itself, the failure of the elders and pastors to preach the truth. The failure of the saints to keep themselves untainted, unblemished. To raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and not on a constant diet of the world through atheistic public schools, TV and garbage music, etc.

However, the Lord is dealing with you at the moment. The question is what will you do with Jesus now that the Spirit is attempting to bring you into the fold.

Yes, our standard is not even the appearance of impropriety. I do not condemn you, but I am obligated to tell you the truth. You have two choices, to honor God or not to. Marry or separate. Do not make a big deal out of it, just admit, repent and make it right.

I hope the best for you both, I pray the Lord will continue to deal with you and guide you in all things. I am always available to render an opinion of the correct interpretation of God's word. My sole desire is to see you grow in grace and truth. I provide the information below to that end. Please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help to you.

Your Servant In Christ Jesus,

Paul Walker

Pilgrims Bible & Family Bookstore
www.pilgrimsbiblebooks.com
Bus. paulwalker@walkerhouse.us
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www.aficj.org
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