Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 5/2/2005

Question
I am assuming you had a major role in creating the independence of your children, and in light of you beliefs, I am assuming you applied the principles in the Bible to the rearing of your children.  Can you tell me where to find some scripture that relates to discipline and children?  (Other than "spare the rod, spoil the child.")  It is always difficult to say no to our children and yet we know it is often necessary.  How do I accomplish discipline and love simultaneously, and not hurt my children's feelings when I want to maintain my own space and privacy?  Is there scripture that applies to this?

Answer
Dear Nancy,
   Thank you for writing.  It is so good to hear of your excellent parental concern for your children.  
   Your question actually is the answer.  Deuteronomy 6:3-15 gives parents the responsibility and privilege to instill in their children an appreciation for God and His Word, the Bible.  As the saying goes, it is more caught than taught.  As I gave God credit for all the blessings I don't deserve, as I appreciated God's principles protecting me from harm, as I felt God's conviction when I had a wrong attitude or did something wrong, I tried to share my thoughts with my children every day, all through the day and night, so they could see what God was doing with me.  It wasn't my will that I wanted to impose on them.  It was the will of their Creator Who lovingly created them and knows them and their future as neither I nor they themselves will ever know as well.  
   I wanted to paint the picture of God for them like the Good News Bible phrases Hosea 11:1-4  "The Lord says, 'When Israel was a child, I loved him and called him out of Egypt as my son.  But the more I called to him, the more he turned away from me.  My people sacrificed to Baal; they burned incense to idols. Yet I was the One who taught Israel to walk.  I took my people up in my arms, but they did not acknowledge that I took care of them.  I drew them to me with affection and love.  I picked them up and held them to my cheek; I bent down to them and fed them." I prefer King James version for accurate translation, but this picture from the Good News version fits the overall understanding God gives us of Himself in the Bible.  Verses 6-9 show us God's discipline for our own good (also Hebrews 12:6-11).  "War will sweep through their cities and break down the city gates.  It will destroy my people because they do what they themselves think best.  They insist on turning away from me."...How can I give you up, Israel?...My love for you is too strong.  I will not punish you in my anger."  I wondered about showing my irritation about behavior for which I disciplined the children.  From reading the Bible, I sense that God has great passion about our behavior.  He hates to see us mess up our lives because we selfishly pursue our own agendas (He hates divorce), rather than trust Him and follow His leading, so I let the children see my frustration when they misbehaved, but I tried to tell them that punishment could help them make better choices.
   I often had to give up my own space and privacy temporarily for the privilege to influence my children for eternity, and I still do sometimes for our grandchildren, but I believe I enjoy my space and privacy more now because I trusted God enough back then to relinquish what I treasured most.  I always told my husband that rather than flowers or gifts on my birthday, I wanted to look forward to my birthday alone at home without any interruptions.  
   Parental discipline is a very mild form of vaccine to illustrate The Vaccine that protects from the disease of eternal agony of separation from the Source of Life, Love and Justice.  "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23  Jesus took the punishment we deserve so we can be free from our sins as we trust Him to be our Lord.
   A habit of reading the Bible every day and being willing to allow God to change me as I listen to His words, helps me fulfill the destiny for which God created uniquely for me.  Our children rely on God Who is much more faithful than I am and I pray that your children will also.
   Sincerely,
   Priscilla Lyons