Expert: Spirit Sword - 10/24/2007

Question
Hi and thanks for taking the time to read this,

I was baptised in 1989 and for a while i felt Gods spirit and purpose. But since then i have fallen away ( got involved in relationships twice) but have been back in my church for about seven years but even in that time i have struggled internet ponography and paying taxes.I have stopped pornography now and have contacted the tax authorities now.
I have also suffered from bipolar disorder since i was very young which causes me to be very depressed for a while and then switch to elated and euphoric feelings accompanied by periods of wreckless behaviour (financial overspending etc..).



I used to feel Gods forgiveness when i repented but now i feel like my heart has become very hard and it does not respond and Satan has been accusing me for all the sins i have commited sins becoming a christian. He keeps accusing yet i don't feel God hhas forgiven me. Hebrews 6:4-6 really worries me.

i would appreciate any advice or perspective that i can't see.

Thanks in advance .

Answer
Hello

Thank you for your question.  
I would make the recommendation for you to continue to abide in God's word and pray about this.
Although I cannot know what your true spiritual standing is with God, I'd say it is good that you are
concerned about this.    I would think that someone who has not been forgiven by God and has "fallen away" would not care.    

The verse you quoted in Hebrews is referring to those who may have come close with God but were never saved in the first place and thus never repented.   Hebrews 6:9.    Falling away does not accompany the gift of salvation.    Now we will sin and no Christian will ever be perfect, we will always be at war with our old nature but this does not mean that we are falling away.   
If you are truly saved you cannot lose your salvation.   (Romans 8:1)

I think there are times in everyone's spiritual walk (including mine) where we feel far from God and
feel guilty for past sins.    It is during this time that God may be calling us to get  into the Word of God, meditating and praying.    

I don't think that you should base your standing with God on your gut feelings, nor is there any evidence that Satan is accusing you.  (He may be accusing you but we don't know that for certain)  If you really want to know your standing with God you need to base it on what the Bible says.

Is your life characteristic of a life led by the truth of God's Word or are you continuing to live in darkness?  1 John 1:5-7   

Are you keeping God's commands? 1 John 2:3-6

Have you truly repented of past sins?  Luke 13:3

If we are not living a life by God's Word we may need to question our spiritual standing with God. Do you hate anyone?  Those whose lives are characteristic of unforgiveness and hatred are not children of God.   1 John 3:14-15

Do you truly believe on the Lord Jesus?  Do you truly believe in His virgin birth, sinless life and his
death/resurrection?   Have you put your trust in Him?  Romans 10:9

1 John 3:18-23  My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 19 And
by this we know[a] that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. 20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. 23 And
this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us[b] commandment.

These and many other verses in scripture will give us an idea if we are truly living under God's grace and are His children.

Spirit Sword