Expert: Dean Gade - 12/8/2006

Question
Hello,

Recently, my brother joined some strange, small Bible study group. He ended up telling me that in John 4:18 when Jesus told the woman that she has had five husbands, that God thinks a man and woman are married if they sleep together. Since then, I've worried about his living with a female friend that he calls his "wife", although they aren't married. I know in my heart this is not correct because throughout the  Bible, fornication is condemned. Is it possible to know the original words and translations of the words in that verse, specifically "For thou hast had five HUSBANDS; and he whom thou now hast is not thy HUSBAND:[...]"? I tried looking it up on the internet, and it looks like that the two times "husband" appears, they are different words. Fortunately, I found this site, and it looks like this site is one of a kind.

I don't want to end up thinking someday that I could have and should have helped my brother years back.

Answer
The Greek word in Jn.4:16 is the common word (anayr)for "man" as well as being used for "husband" and even "fellow".

Marriage will remain a mystery.  God tells us about the union that He intended. In both the OT and NT it is the same:'
Gen 2:24

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(from New International Version)


Eph 5:31-33
1 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."   32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(from New International Version)

We know that a marriage is between a man and a woman. What we don't have is a formula for the "wedding".  It seems that this is more in the realm of the secular state. And in our Modern/enlightened ( I say with sarcasm) the state doesn't really care enough to enforce any former laws of marriage, fornication or adultery.

What is forbidden in the Bible for Christians is being unfaithful to ones spouse.   But the spouse seems to be "created" by the promise of each to be "husband and wife".

Notice that even with Mary and Joseph there was a different view than today.  When Mary became pregnant by the Holy Spirit of God, Joseph thought to "divorce" her even though they were only "betrothed" (pledged) to each other but had not consumated their marriage.

Sorry, but I too am rather confused about what constitutes becoming husband and wife EXCEPT for the pledge to each other.  

If your brother is committed to this woman as her husband, then it seem that in the eyes of God they are married...and for them to part from each other would constitue divorce in God's eyes.