Expert: Scott Talbot - 5/25/2007

Question
I completely believe that prayer does change things.  However, my husband who is a believer doesn't think we should bother God with prayers.  He says that everything is pre-destined so God gonna do what God's gonna do.  Prayer has been an intrical part of my life.  It has helped me get through many hard times.  Often times God saying no to my prayers has been the best answer.  I believe that God's plan for my life is far better than anything I could ever dream up.  How can I express to my husband how important prayer is?  When he was a child he prayed that his Grandmother wouldn't die and she did.  So he stopped praying.

Answer
Ann,

The best way to persuade your husband that prayer is vital is to tell him what God says. Read I Thessalonians 5:17, Philippians 4:6, Matthew 7:7. God clearly tells us that He wants us to pray. He assures us that He answers our prayers in the way that He deems best.

Your husband seems to have several reasons for not wanting to pray. One, he thinks prayer doesn't work, since he asked God not to let his grandmother die, and she did. We need to think of God like a parent. We, as parents, love our children, and we encourage our children to talk to us and to ask us for things. Naturally, we make the final decision, as we know what is best for our children and for all involved. Think about his grandmother. Is she a believer? If so, she would be in heaven. With all that he knows about heaven, if he could have her back, would he want that? Remember, God knows best.

Second, I sense that he is bitter with God. Maybe I'm wrong. But it could be more than just doubting if prayer works. Maybe your husband is angry that God seemingly ignored him. Hopefully, I'm wrong about that.

Third, your husband claims that everything is predestined, so prayer is unnecessary. Then why does God encourage us--command us--to pray? Prayer matters. We may not be able to figure out how God's foreknowledge, omnipotence, and providence fit in with the concepts of free will and prayer. We may not understand all that there is to know about God and how He thinks and acts. But, when God tells us to pray, then it must matter. We cannot let our theories about predestination rob us and God of prayer.

Most importantly, your husband needs to understand that the one thing God wants more than anything else is a relationship--one that grows, one in which He gets to know God better. How can any relationship flourish without conversation? Prayer must be a natural part of the life of every believer.

I hope this helps.

Scott