Expert: LEBoyd - 3/29/2007

Question
I have been raised as a Christian but didn't really adhere to the 'new way of life.' I fell from grace, had a daughter, and then got straight and have been that way ever since (5 years). I wasn't honest with my parents about how I met men, on the internet, and they were angry at me for lying to them. I can understand that. But over the course of the past 5 years, I've made a 360 degree turn around from who I was back then. I'm in church, very faithful and definitely live by Scriptures and implement that in my every day life. The problem is this: My mom keeps rehashing my mistakes from years ago, fearful that I will meet someone, maybe even on the internet again and she says that she's read in the Bible where it's suggested that we don't get married.  From what I read, I see the opposite - that God created us in His image and for that, we are to love and be loved. It says that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. It goes on to say how women and men are to leave their parents to join each other, as in one flesh.

My question(s) are these:  1)How can I get my mother to 'accept' my view, which I feel is entirely based on Scripture? How can I get her to understand that it is part of our purpose to be married and to have children, as long as we're doing that with someone who is equally yoked? 2) Is there anything I can cite to my mother about her letting go of the past and learn to trust me again so that her fears won't keep me from being happy? 3) Am I wrong to follow my heart and what I believe God might be telling me in being in a relationship with someone, yet the Bible states that we should show respect and "honor thy mother and father?"  4) Is there actually a sin against meeting someone on the internet?  

Thanks so much,
Laura

Answer
Laura,

Unfortunately, sometimes people have a difficult time realizing our repentance and change in life.  Romans 6 tells us that if we are baptized into the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ we are raised a "new creation/creature" - not just a "changed" creation.  Through our own death, burial and resurrection through the water, we are now "no long slaves to sin" but can actually choose to be sinless.  Prior to this, our sinful nature almost forces us to choose sin over obedience to God.

Our parents and friends are sometimes the most difficult with which to deal and don't understand our changes.

To your direct questions, showing someone the Truth of the Scripture does not always get them to accept it.  The Scripture your mother is probably referencing is 1 Cor 7:8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I."  However, the following verses support your beliefs.  The answer is that both staying unmarried or married is okay and acceptable.

Second, sometimes it takes longer for others to accept our changes.  However, time is pretty much the only thing we have.  Over time, if our fruits are seen by others they change their minds and see that it is "real".

Third, following your heart is okay as long as that person is also a Christian.  Your heart should be first on God, then on others and last on yourself.  Marriage is a great institution implemented by God in the Garden.

Fourth, there is no sin against meeting someone on the internet.  However, you must be extremely careful with this process.  Over the internet you have no idea if the individual is even a little truthful about themselves and their lives.  There are many who prey on those looking for companionship over the internet, resulting in many broken hearts, troubled lives and even death.  So, I can understand your mother's concern.  Tread very lightly over the internet.  You are much better off meetings single through Christian related activities.

I hope I helped without sounding too much like your mother :)  However, I generally agree with her about searching over the internet.  It isn't all bad, but is mostly bad.

Thanks,
LE