Expert: Pastor Kimberly Lemler - 1/2/2007

Question
At what age are parents to relenquish control of their children?  At adulthood I believe we are not to be busy bodies in their affairs but pray for their decisions.  I think it is wrong to withhold love, affection, from adult children because they do not do as we wish, even if their decision is a sin. (living together unmarried)  I dont think it is the parents place to discipline an adult child.  Please tell me if i am on the right track and scripture to back this up. I have had a discussion with a friend who says that in the old testament it says that children answer to their parents until marriage regardless of age.  Is this in the old testament?

Answer
Hello Donna,
 I appreciate your question...thank you so much for asking it.

 There are 3 scriptures that come to mind as I read your question:

  1. Titus 2:4
   That they (older women) may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children..."

  2.  Proverbs 22:6
      "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

  3.  Galatians 6:1-5
      "    Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted...."

 When we have children, it is a life-long responsibility. We let them go at the age of accountability (18, legally), and they are to make their own way. But as parents we are always there for advice and ready to help in time of need. We pray for them and will until our last day on this earth. God gave us that connection with our children.

 It is not our place to discipline an adult child. We are to teach them...love them because we are to love our neighbors as ourselves...help them when we see them stumbling.  We have trained them when they are young and even though they may depart from good sense for a season, if we stand in faith, at some point they will return to what they were taught. That "season" may be years and years or it may be a short time.

  I think in different countries, in other cultures, children answer to their parents more than they do here. Older people are much more revered in other countries. Many, many years ago, it was more like that in this country where extended families all lived together and helped each other.

  God gave us all free will. Children will venture out and will desire to make their way in the world and we must allow them to do this. But just be there when they need your wisdom, because at some point they will. Offer to help when you see something drastically out of kilter...but when you are told to butt out, try to keep the peace and pray in intercession for your children.

 There is no law that says that children answer to their parents until marriage, although they are to obey us until the time of their own accountability, and that is at age 18, in our culture.  

 I hope I have helped you with my answer. Happy New Year..

 In His Service,
 Rev. Lemler