Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 9/2/2005

Question
A friend is having a hard time letting go of a past relationship. She knows that this person does not care for her the way she wants him to and he is taking advantage of her kindness and generosity. She as leant him monies in the past that he has not paid back, he knows how to play on her sympothies and is now asking for another $500.00 loan. She said she knows he's just playing her but she is reminded of the scripture "do unto others". I told her that I would find her a scripture to show her that it doesn't mean she is to let people use her. Could you help?

Answer
Dear Jannae,
   Thanks for writing and for caring about your friend.  The "do unto others" golden rule needs to be in the context of God's standards which is that we consider what is best for others, like He does, not necessarily what they want.  We wouldn't give a sharp knife to a young child no matter how much he begged for it.  
   If your friend wants to GIVE her ex $500 (Rom.13:8 owe no man any thing, but to love one another) to help him trust and follow God, it would be in his best interest to pay back what he already owes her plus the $500 plus interest, in order to be responsible like it says in I Timothy 5:8 "If any provide NOT for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
   Most financial problems are due to an addiction to instant gratification and the envy of trying to "keep up with the Jones."  It is not a loving act to give money to a drunk so he can hasten his death with more liquor.  
   If I were your friend, I would let this man know that putting him further in debt to her is not what God wants according to Romans 13:8.  Maybe she could suggest some things he has that he could sell for the money, or some work to earn the money, or some expenses he could cut back.
   I'll be praying for her and she could offer to pray for his situation also.  God sometimes allows financial pain and suffering (as well as physical also) in order to get our attention and save us from the worse situation of being separated from our Him, our Source of life, love and justice.  Your friend needs to encourage him to follow God's plan for his life, for the best to happen.
   May your efforts with your friend help you all to grow closer to God.
   Love,
   Priscilla