Expert: Marilyn - 5/1/2005

Question
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Followup To
Question -
Dear Marilyn, I feel as though this is a question with an obvious answer but must ask. Was there a paticular point in your life when you felt as though you were given grace and exierenced it to be exactly that, a gift,that gave you peace and wisdom like you had never known.  sincerely,Phil
Answer -
Hello Phillip;

The answer to the question is not necessarily obvious.  But even less obvious is what has driven you to ask the question.  Are you going through a tough time now?  Are you wondering if experiencing God's dealings can be real?  I think a little background might help me give a better answer.  If you feel dissatisfied with what I'm about to tell you, please open a dialogue and let's discuss it.  

To get to the point, suffice it to say that I was away from the Lord for a number of years in my 20's.  When I found myself married to an abusive, drug and pornography addicted man living in the pit of hell the Lord reached out to me through my oldest son's aunt.  She gave me a book titled, "Strike the Original Match," a book about godly marriage.  When I read it, I turned my life, heart and soul back to God.  That was the beginning of my experience with God's grace and the peace and wisdom only He can give.

I began watching a lot of Christian TV.  Most of the time the car was broken down and since there was no church nearby, that wasn't an option--besides I was too loaded down with shame to show my face in a church.  I watched Kenneth Copeland and Praise the Lord, Jack Hayford, D. James Kennedy and many others.  I began to learn how to live by faith and how to be a godly wife.

Before turning back to the Lord, I'd spent a lot of energy screaming at my husband.  Of course, I had the right to be mad at him, he was blowing a goodly amount of what little he earned on drugs and was out all night driving around looking at prostitutes walking the streets.  I don't think he was having sex with them at that point because he was terrified of venereal disease.  When he dragged in at 4 in the morning I was there, screaming at him.  I learned even though I had the right to be angry, if I wanted the Lord to change him, I had to stop trying to do the work myself.  It was finally obvious my efforts only justified what he was doing--who wants to come home to a screaming witch?

While the Lord worked on transforming me into a godly woman, He started cleaning out my heart's closets.  Verbally abused as a young teen, I had no self-esteem.  My heart believed I was a worm while my head argued I was capable and intelligent.  In a fight between the heart and head, the heart will win.  Repeatedly I'd set out to do something, take an opportunity etc. and sabotage myself.  As a worm, I didn't deserve to have a good husband, but had picked someone just as wounded as myself if not more.  

It wasn't any fun to have my closets cleaned out, but I remained surrendered to the Lord.  Once He had gotten all the garbage out, He began healing my heart.  

Meanwhile, I fed my family by faith, got the kids healed by faith, got us where we needed to go by faith, paid the bills by faith and so on.  The Lord answered every prayer.  

For example, the car was broken down once again and my husband whined how he'd like to have a job close to home so he could walk to work.  I began asking God for just such a job.  About a week later the newspaper delivery man knocked on our door.  He looked obviously uncomfortable.  Awkwardly he said, "I have the contract to paint the walls in the apartment building down the street and I need someone close by to do the work."  I was ecstatic!  You can imagine the poor man's puzzled look when my husband turned him down.  My husband's huge pride would not permit him to accept anything from the Lord--he felt he had to get everything himself.  That form of pride is just a cover to hide deep self-loathing, another version of the "I'm a worm" routine.

When the Lord was cleaning out my closets, He dredged up the past I'd been working hard to forget.  

He brought back to my mind the scene I'd long ago forgotten when I turned away from His will and started down the long road to the hellish marriage when I finally turned back to Him.  I was 18 and faced with a decision.  My uncle had invited me to come to the university where he worked as head librarian and stay in his home.  The Lord wanted me to stay where I was and go to the local college.  I wanted desperately to leave home.  My father was extremely restrictive, judgmental and bitter.  I believed I would be forced to live at home while I attended a college I'd heard was third rate in my field.  

During the closet cleaning, the Lord reminded me how I'd stood under the pear trees near the house and prayed.  I knew what the Lord wanted, but I disobeyed and went to live with my uncle.  My uncle ended up molesting me and tearing down my flimsy, immature Christian faith by showing the errors of the dogma I'd been taught.  Instead of casting off the erroneous dogma, I cast off the Lord and decided to begin a search for truth.

In the moment when the Lord reminded me of that incident under the pear trees I saw how I'd brought all my troubles down upon my own head because I'd turned away from His will.  Regardless of what seemed best to me, I should have trusted Him. Of course, by then it was obvious staying home would have been much more desirable than running to the seemingly better situation that was only better in appearance and not in fact.  

He showed me scene after scene when I thought He was distant, but He had actively prevented the worst I deserved from happening to me--He'd been protecting me and shielding me the whole time, permitting only as much of what I deserved as I could bear up under until my sin finally bore fruit and I found it's taste horrible--that's when He sent the book with my son's aunt and He called me back to His side.  The distance between us that I'd thought was huge was suddenly cut to nothing.  I was poured over with forgiveness and wrapped up in His Love.  This was the revelation of grace I received--how greatly He loved ME the worm.  

The full healing took some time; it's still going on actually.  It's an ongoing revelation of grace, peace and wisdom.  I can't imagine reaching a point where I can relax and say I've arrived, thinking I've achieved the completion of the grace, peace and wisdom God has for me, this won't happen until I see the Lord in Heaven and even then I expect ongoing revelation of His awesome goodness and grace.

I'm happy to discuss this in more depth, field a variation on the question, whatever you need.

Sincerely,
Marilyn

Dear,Marilyn          yes I was wondering if the Lords spirit dealing with me could be real?          I guess my original question was a gauge to indicate to me your expierence in dealing with the subject of god,and to confirm something I have never felt before,which I believe was grace, and the ability to extend that grace to others.In the whole process I seem to have offended people close to me.It was such a dramitic ghange for me,that I know it was a shock for them.I tried to convey that expierence to them that they might feel the love of the lord as I had.I could not bare to leave these people behind and could not go forward without them.Now it seems as though I'm loosing ground on the lord and all the old junk is gaining ground on me.Yes is this all real ?          Thanks for listening, Phil

Answer
Phillip;
How are you doing?

Marilyn


Yes, the Lord's Spirit dealing with you could be very real.  From what you have told me, yes it sounds like you've experienced grace.  Yes, it often happens, it's happened to me also, that when you receive a touch from God and you turn around and try to share with others, they reject you, or shun you, or turn away, or get annoyed or what have you.  It's God's heart not to leave anyone behind, however they may not be ready to either listen or receive from God.  From your own experience you probably realize, this is something that can't be forced.  

I think more immediate exchange is in order to further address your situation.  I noticed an e-mail with your generous rating, expect an e-mail from me.  

Sincerely,

Marilyn


The above was sent on May 3 and I guess I'm impatient.  I felt that this matter needed discussing in a chat situation, but perhaps that is too invasive.  

I don't feel I know enough about what's been happening to give an adequate answer, however, I will proceed based on what I surmise, whether that is correct or not.  Please feel free to ask more questions.

Though we are spirit beings, our spirits have experienced death in the form of separation from God.  This is, of course, the ultimate death.  When a person receives Jesus as Lord his spirit moves from death to life, he is born again, John 3.  

Now, the body and soul, which previously ruled the person, war with the spirit because they do not want to give up control.  The spirit man is weak having just been raised from the dead, but the same resurrection power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to your spirit man to live effectively and powerfully in this life, Ephesians 1:18-22, you are no longer a slave to your body and soul who being material manifestations of you have been living in sin for so long and aren't interested in quitting.  You must train up your spirit man to become the leader of your life and your body and soul must learn to obey.  In order to achieve this:

1)  You must spend time with God in prayer.  People have many ideas about what prayer is and many of them are wrong.  Prayer is a conversation, it's communion, it's being wrapped up on God's Holy Spirit.  If you've experienced grace, you've already had a touch of what a high this can be.  But because the material world is so "in the face" it's difficult to achieve a prayer life, but it is absolutely necessary for successful living.
    Choose a time and stick with it whether you feel like it or not.  Of course you're not going to feel like it!  Your body and soul don't like discipline, they want to sleep in or watch more TV or whatever—anything but sit still and pray.  Pauls says to pray continuously, I Thessalonians 5:17.  This isn't complicated, when you're in your car and it's a beautiful sunset, thank God, when you see someone you can't personally help, ask God, when a loved one comes to mind, talk to God about that person, when you can't decide what shirt to wear, ask God.
    The pattern for prayer follows this guise:  begin with praise, Psalm 100:4.  God is King.  In most of the world human beings do not understand kingship or how to approach a king.  In old times persons did not approach the king without a gift, the gift did not need to be large or awesome, but it needed to be as exquisite as the person could possibly manage.  For God that exquisite gift is thanksgiving and praise.  And God recognizes that there will be times when the gift of thanksgiving and praise will feel more like a sacrifice, but they're still the ticket through the door of His Courts, Hebrews 13:15.
    Praise also has a huge side benefit.  Even little babies can stop the devil's chatter by praising God, Psalm 8:2.
2)  If you are uncertain how to praise God, read one of the Psalms aloud, Psalm 103 is good.  Having praised God you are in His Presence--you're in the throne room.  Acknowledge His Sovereignty and lay all your concerns and requests before His feet and LEAVE them there.  Of course, you have immediate needs, but don't forget to pray for leaders around the world, situations where believers are suffering for Christ, the peace of Jerusalem and your enemies.  The greatest thing you can do for your enemies is to put them in God's Hands.
    These people who doubt your transformation etc.  You've reached out to them, you've tried to explain things to them—now give them to the Lord and ask Him to send His Holy Spirit to woo them to His Side.  He can send other people who may have a abilities, a proven track record that you don't have right now.  Let God deal with them.  “Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you,” Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7.  After having done that, leave them there.  Don't worry any more.  You are to live a carefree life, let God handle the cares.  
3)  Finish by thanking the Lord once again.  Jesus says in Mark 11:22-24, “Have the faith of God.”  What sort of faith did God have?  In Genesis 1 He spoke the universe into being:  He believed in His heart He would receive what He said and spoke it and there it was.  Jesus says to have this same kind of faith.  “Say to the mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,'” Jesus tells us as an example.  For if the speaker “believes what he says will happen, it will be done for him.”  Then Jesus adds one more clue to receiving from God, “believe that you HAVE received it, and it will be yours.”  You've got to see it as a done deal—perhaps you don't have the material evidence yet, but if you've ordered a car from the dealership, you aren't spending any time wondering if you have a car—you're just waiting to receive it—so it is with faith, believe you HAVE received it and it's yours.  
    The confession of your mouth is important, Romans 10:9 & 10, for it is by this means you were saved by faith.  So, it applies across the board.  If you are having trouble hanging on to the thing God has given you, watch your words.  Your body and soul are warring with you, but your spirit man who is free and powerful in Christ can rule them.  Speak what you believe—I believe I received ….—and thank God!  Thanking God is a way of sealing the deal, saying it's done.  Now watch your words.  Feelings of doubt will naturally come upon you.  Your soul doesn't understand this, “what do you mean we're different now?” it says.  But you know what you've experienced, so remind yourself—review the events and start praising God, this will silence the enemy and your soul, plus will add to your faith.
     The confession of your mouth is the means of increasing your faith and training your soul and body to become subject to your spirit man who is in Christ.  Paul says in Romans 10:17, “faith comes by hearing.”  Therefore, if you will read scriptures aloud to yourself, your faith will increase!  The Word of God is powerful, it will transform your mind—it will renew it.  Read the Word aloud to yourself.  Put verses on the dashboard of your car and read them aloud when you start up the motor.  Put verses on the refrigerator and read them aloud every time you open the door…you get the picture.  Sticky notes are wonderful.
    Meditate upon the Word.  Chew on it as a cow chews on a cud.  Digest it and chew on it again.  It is food for your spirit man and his powers will increase.  Jesus defeated the devil with the Sword of the Word of God—if you have the Word of God in you, you will be able to stand when the enemy comes after you—it is both the belt around your waist that keeps your back strong and it is your sword, Ephesians 6:10-20.
   
Here are some verses for your meditation (I hope I got all the numbers right):
Romans 8:17, you are a joint heir with Jesus to all He owns, therefore His victory is yours, everything He owns or can do is yours
Romans 8:28-39
Romans 12:2
II Corinthians 4:13; 5:21; 9:6-11; 10:4 & 5
Galatians 5:14, 16-18
Ephesians 4:2, 22-5:1
Philippians 1:6; 5:6-8, 13, 19
Colossians 1:10-13, 21 & 23; 2:3, 15; 3:15, 17
I Thessalonians 5:16, 17 & 23
II Timothy 1:7, check out different versions of the Bible on this verse
Titus 2:11
Hebrews 2:14; 4:12; 7:25; 10:23-25, 35; 11:1, 3, 6; 12:2, 7
James 1:2-18; 4:2, 3 & 7; 5:16
I Peter 1:3, 4, 18, 19, 23; 2:9; 4:8; 5:10
II Peter 1:3
I John 1:9; 3:8; 5:18; 5:3 & 4