Expert: Mrs. Priscilla Lyons - 8/13/2007

Question
I will have been married for 9 years in the upcoming month, my marriage has been rocky at best with a little of good sprinkled over the years. Fact still remains that i love my wife the way i love my god.  she now has decided she wants a divorce, her grounds are.  I have children with another woman. I treat this woman with the same respect deserved of a wife. My wife accepted this for the simple fact she had an affair with a member of my family, i guess to make up.  I have accepted this and love my child.  My wife has now grown tired of this situation, and now wants to divorce, have i read the scriptures wrong?  I thought the wrong doing was based on the intentions i had towards the woman? as far as adultery is concerned and would not the other woman be considered a second wife?  Is this wrong. Also would like to know where in the scriptures does it say woman can divorce her husband for anything other than adultery.  Please help because if i am reading the scriptures or interpreting them the wrong way i would like to apologize.

Answer
Dear Mr. Quinn,
   Thank you for writing.  It's good to hear that you still love your wife, because the marriage vows are for life.  But God may be allowing turmoil in your life because He wants you to love Him even more than you love your wife (although she should be second).  God tested Abraham to lead Abraham to trust Him and put Him first, even before Abraham's beloved, long-awaited son, Isaac.  
   God can work though the most complex situations to bring about what is best for you.  In trusting and following His leading, you will fulfill the unique potential with which He created you.
   God does not like divorce (Malachi 2:16) but He does allow divorce in the case of sexual immorality because of the hardness of our hearts (Matthew 19:3-9).  Is that how you see it also?  As you can see from these verses and others, God's plan is one man and one woman, together one in marriage for life.
   I think it is very responsible for you to care for any children you have fathered, even if they have been conceived in sin, since it is not the fault of the children.  But in no way should your wife feel any less than first place in your heart after God.  You should let your wife know of your repentance of any sexual relations other than with her, and she should let you know of her repentance of any sexual relations other than with you.
   Please show her a humble heart even if she doesn't respond in a positive way.  In so doing, you will be following Jesus' example.  He willingly suffered and died for us while we were yet sinners, enemies to Him (Romans 5:8).  
   As you surrender your rights and the letter of God's law to have a relationship with God that fulfills the spirit of His law through His power, God can work miracles in your relationship with your wife.
   May you have many more years of marriage, growing closer together as you draw closer to the Master of marriage!
   Priscilla Lyons