Expert: Clifford H. Readout, Jr. - 2/26/2004

Question
In the eys's of "GOD", not Church and State, when does "GOD" consider a "man" and a "women" married ?

before they have pre-martial sex ?
after a ceramony ?  

Answer
In the eyes of "GOD", not Church and State, when does "GOD" consider a "man" and a "women" married ? Before they have pre-martial sex ? After a ceremony?

Dear David,

Thank you for your question. I also appreciate your awareness that Church (as man's attempt to organize his religion) and State (as man's attempt to organize his society) sometimes promote ideas that are not in harmony with what God has revealed to be right. I intend to answer the question, but I intend to provide you an understanding of the basis for the answer, as well.

First, I must deal with the limitations the question imposes on me. “When does ‘God' consider a ‘man' and a ‘woman' married?” This does not ask me what my opinion about marriage is, nor does it ask me what my opinion is about God's view of marriage. Rather the question assumes that it is possible for a man to know what God thinks about the subject. I agree.

The question forces me away from subjective beliefs about God's thoughts. I cannot answer it by simply stating what I believe about the subject. Nor can I make unsubstantiated claims about what God says about it. I have to offer the evidence God has provided about His considerations concerning marriage. But, how is a man supposed to know when he has encountered such evidence? How can I assure you that what I write to you about the subject actually represents God's ideas, and not merely my personal beliefs and preferences?

I have been convinced, after a long exposure to the Bible, and serious study of it, that it is what the ancient Christians claimed it to be, the Word of God. Thus, I will provide my answer from it.  Further, I have been convinced that Jesus Christ is God manifest in the flesh (1 Timothy 3:16), hence His words about a subject are conclusive in expressing God's thoughts about it. Accordingly, I will give the most weight in my answer to things He said about marriage. Additionally, the record He has left us of His dealings with men informs me that He chose specific men to become the teachers of His thoughts to the rest of us. (Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:11-14). Thus, I will also offer their teaching concerning the subject, to see if it is in harmony with what Jesus Christ said, and to see if it offers further insight into the subject.

First, what did Jesus say about marriage and what can we conclude from it?

Matthew 19:3-9 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?  4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,  5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?  6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?  8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.  9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
  There are several facts we can determine from these words:
1. Marriage was God's idea.
2. Marriage is the joining of a man and a woman by God.
3. Marriage is a covenant between the man, the woman, and God, that God does not want anyone to “put asunder” (end, terminate, or destroy).
4. Marriage is a condition visible to the public, and which came to involve civil law as a result of the hardness of men's hearts.
5. The Lord Jesus states that a man may divorce his wife only “for fornication” (a complex phrase representing fraud prior to marriage, that is, if, after the marriage, the husband discovers that his wife was a prostitute, or a sodomite, or a another man's wife, or had been divorced for any of those reasons, or was otherwise sexually defiled). I cannot offer you the full measure of this part of my studies because this medium is too limited to allow inclusion of such a complex and long study. This brief summary will have to suffice.
6. Since the dissolution of a marriage for proper cause is public and demonstrated by a written document, it is natural to expect that the marriage itself will also be a public event. (We shall see if this is so.)

John 2:1-2 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:  2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. (Please review the rest of the passage, not included in this email.)
  This is the occasion that initiated the public ministry of Jesus Christ. It was a marriage.
1. The marriage was a public ceremony.
2. The marriage had both officials and guests present, as well as the families of the bride and groom.
3. The marriage was a celebration as well as a ceremony.
4. The celebration involved feasting.

Matthew 22:1-14 And Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,  2 The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,  3 And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.  4 Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.  5 But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:  6 And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.  7 But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.  8 Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.  9 Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.  10 So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.  11 And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:  12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.  13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.  14 For many are called, but few are chosen.
  The Lord used marriage as the focal theme for one of His sermons. He never used falsehoods to illustrate truth in His messages. So there are facts about marriage shown in this parable:
1. The public ceremony of a marriage is also called a “wedding,” in English.
2. Guests were invited to attend.
3. It involved feasting.
4. Attendance required wearing special garments.

Luke 14:7-11 And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them,  8 When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him;  9 And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room.  10 But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee.  11 For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
  Jesus taught one of the greatest principles of Christian living using a wedding as the motif. Here are a few facts about marriage revealed in it:
1. It is a public ceremony to which guests are invited.
2. There may be some hierarchy of esteem for the guests, some will be “more honored” than others; there are seats higher and lower (relative to the “head table”).

1 Corinthians 7:4-14 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.  5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.  7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.  8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.  9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.  10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:  11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.  12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.  13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.  14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
  There are also details given by those the Lord Jesus empowered to teach us. Consider these:
1. Marriage is God's solution for sexual desire for those who have not received the “gift” of celibacy, and those who cannot contain their need.
2. Marriage is not to be broken by either the husband or the wife. (It ought to be noted that there is no such thing as a marriage without one of each. God's Word does not include any concept of “same sex marriage.”)
3. Marriage is a “sanctified” relationship. That means God has established it as an means for accomplishing His purposes for humanity. The use of the word “sanctified” in this text forces me to acknowledge that marriage is also a sacred covenant between the man, the woman, and God.
4. It appears manifest that society must also be aware of the marriage, so it cannot be a private arrangement between the man and the woman.

Hebrews 13: 4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  
  Finally, for this email, is this interesting statement.
1. “Honorable” means: of great price, precious, held in honour, esteemed, especially dear, of high reputation. It cannot be a secret matter.
2. Marriage is the condition in which sexual union is not a defilement.
3. Sexuality within marriage is contrasted with whoremongery and adultery.
4. Sexual union does not make a marriage. If it did, there could be no such thing as whoremongers, nor fornication, nor adultery. All three words refer to some form of sexual activity outside of, and contrary to “marriage.”

While there is much more about marriage revealed in the Bible, these samples give an accurate overview, and the basis for the answer to your question. “When does ‘God' consider a ‘man' and a ‘woman' married?” God considers a man and a woman to be married after they have been joined together in covenant relationship by divinely appointed authority in a public ceremony, assuming that there was nothing in their past which makes the union unlawful. “Divinely appointed authority” (according to Romans 13 and other texts) includes civil magistrates and other authorities recognized by the society, as well as Christian ministers.

This answer may be more detail that you wanted, but I felt the need to be a bit more precise and less subjective in answering your question.  If I am to answer on God's behalf, I ought not merely give personal opinions, even if they agree with what God has said.  I hope this helps you. If you want further communication about the issues you may email me at <readout@earthlink.net>. I will not be available through the AllExperts.com web site for several days, but I may be able to check email periodically while I am away.

Yours for Truth,

CR