Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 11/8/2006

Question
i have a 12yr old (feb bday 13yr old) ive read and read but the symptoms dont completely describe my son... he has always had mood swings, usually never a middle ground, very loving, compassionate, considerate of others feelings (maybe over aware of others feelings) then complete hoplessness.. the world sucks, everyone hates him, he serves no purpose etc... this could be over something as small as being asked to leave his brother/sister alone.. right away we have taken their side in a disgreement and not his, NO FAIR WE HATE HIM... it lasts very briefly but then he regrets things he may have said that again make him feel bad... he has never become violent (not that the intensity is not there) and to me he is a bit of a hypochondriac (sp)he poses no problems in school, never a behavior issue, (the no fair syndrome) is usually everyones friend, grades are ok a's b's plays sports(i know this age has alot of hormones but this has gone on since he was little... ie... night terrors, feeling of seperation anxiety but not that he was being left that we were all going to die while we were apart.. still has those kinds of despair thoughts... was always afraid that someone could come in and kill us all or jump out at us in the dark(constantly looking wide eyed over his shoulder going from car to house at night) i know he has let thoughts of dying cross his mind but he knows/feels how powerful a word like suicide is and has never made that kind of a statement (even in his head (hes afraid)) we have had one of his 5th grade bball coaches kill himself and i think it spun my son around a little.... again as im speaking comparing him to actual documented stories of case of teens who are bi-polar (etc) he doesnt quite fit all of the profile... things arent to the extreme as most... also i would have a real hard time convincing family members of my concerns... we had previously discussed bobbys anger issues (never distructive anger mor like self anger (mood)) with school counselors, but they really dont see issues the same as parents... quite frankly they were quite young and i dont believe prepared for a true counseling session so to speak... they spoke of things that bothered him, how to count to ten  etc... i know ive rambled but if youre able to make heads or tails of my question please respond.... oh my question... what can or should i be doing... should i just continue conversations w/ him and hitting the self worth points should i be focusing in other areas... i dont believe he is add/adhd but i suppose it could be possible.... thank you again for letting me blurb..... sincerely twyla

Answer
Hi Twyla:

First, I need to clarify I am not in a position to make an official diagnosis.  This has to be done by a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist.

That said, it looks more like your son is experiencing depression rather than bipolar disorder.  There also seem to be some self-esteem issues.

This is a difficult age.  Your son is no longer a little child, but not yet an adult.  Self-esteem at this age is often dependent on being popular with peers--and one bad experience can seem like the world has come down upon the child.

My suggestion would be to find a child psychologist outside the school system and take your son for an initial evaluation.  It is possible talk therapy may be all that is needed to help him change perceptions of the world and himself.  I would not be considering medication at this point.  Find out first what a counselor trained in childhood depression has to say.

                            Joyce A. Anthony