Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 1/22/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have a son Tyler who is 12 years old, he was diagnosed with bipolar over a
year ago, he is still not stable and still cannot go to school, he was Baker act
in December, While he was at school, We have been to hell and back, and i
still keep trying to help him, we spent 23,000 for a school that was supposed
to handle him, but when he threatens teachers he's going to stab them to
death, what are they to do? so they call me to come get him, I don't know
what to do anymore, I'm tired, stressed, My whole family is in crises, I have 3
other children, who do not have bipolar, I sometimes I forget to enjoy my
other children because, I'm so misrable from all the stress. I'm at my end, and
I don't know how to help my child anymore, We all need a break from this,
and I know this sounds horrible but I think if no other Doctor can help him,
We might have to send him to a residence to stabilize him, I have tried
everything I know to help him, but nothing is working, I need someone to
help us, give us information on what we should do.....If you can suggest
anything it would be greatly appreciated.......Angie(Tyler's Mom)

ANSWER: Hi Angie:

Being the parent of a bipolar child is difficult at its best.  Having other kids complicates the situation.  I want you to keep one thing in mind as you read my answer--a parent can give their all to a child, but some children just need more.

With this said, I would consider checking into a RTF program for a short time for your son.  It seems he needs more intense therapy and monitoring to get his medication stabilized and you need respite in order to be the best mother you can.  

Do not beat yourself up over the stress you feel--that is a very normal and understandable feeling in a situation like this.  Try to find some time for you.  
         Joyce A. Anthony

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank-you, Do you know of any RTF programs here in Florida, I live in Boca Raton, I can't even believe I'm having this conversation, I said "My son is not going to be one of those children that get sent away" But I we just don't know how to help him anymore, he's missed 2 school years already. I just don't know where to start to find a program. I would love some suggestions if you have any. Thank-you with all my heart.....Angie(Tyler's Mom).

Answer
Hi Angie:

I am not real familiar with your area, but if you contact this place:
Boca Raton Community Hospital - Social Services
Support Groups
800 Meadows Rd
Boca Raton, FL 33486
(561) 393-4150
they will be able to help you find the resources you need.  

You are not "sending your son away"==you are getting him the help he needs.  If he needed medical attention that required hospitalization, you would get it.  He is ill, bipolar is a chemical disorder.  As long as you stay involved in his treatment, you are not deserting him. Sometimes it takes greater love to let go and let someone else step in for a bit--we all have limits to what we can do.  By loving him enough to pace him where he can get more extensive help, you are doing the best thing you can as a mother.
         Joyce A. Anthony