Expert: Libby Bonner - 1/2/2008

Question
my daughter has struggled for the last 6 yrs since being diganosised with bipolar. have tried many meds, on lamitical right now, seems to work somewhat in stablizing mood.  the problem is her behaviors. writing bad checks, can't handle money. walks off jobs after 2 months, no girlfriends, living with a drug addict alcoholic boyfriend. she drinks too much and now was just arrested for cocaine possession. none of the therapy she has had has done her any good.  she feels like a lost cause. we fear the drugs has actually damaged further her brain.  she always did good in school.  she has tried 3 times to go to college, each time dropping out.  she doesn't understand herself, how can we understand!  we are looking into a treatment center where they deal with mental issue as well as substance abuse issue.  her attorney stated that the court would probably accept that instead of 2 yrs in jail for possession.  we, are both retired, and very very tired.  we are afraid of losing her altogether.  my brother killed himself, he was an alcoholic bipolar. society doesn;t seem to care, the public and even our friends don't understand.  how much help is to much, where are the lines in the sand.  I, her mother, am becoming mentally ill myself with all of this.  our lives are not lives anymore.  my husband and I have cancelled many trips etc, because of a crisis for her. its killing us. what kind of help really helps!!!

Answer
What really helps is good doc, right meds, right doses; trust between doc and pt; family involvement in appts, as appropriate; changing meds, w/ close follow-up, any time less stability if noted; predictable daily routines; involvent w/ a social worker regularly/caseworker; other kinds of mental health training/support; supported employment, if/when pt is well enough to work; FAMILY CONNECTION W/ NAMI, nami.org

Pls also buy the book by  Woolis, When someone you love has a mental illness.  You will feel less helpless and have more effective communication w/ her.

I would guess she is trying to work either at the wrong jobs and/or when she is too sick to be trying to work and/or full time instead of part time.

Is she living w/ you?  If not, she should be eligible for Medicaid, or whatever it's called where you live; she should apply for Soc Sec disability, and reapply - third time w/ an atty's help.

Her behaviors are illness symptoms:  she is on wrong med/wrong dose/ not enough appropriate meds.

The college - see jobs, above.

Ask to talk to others who have used the MH facility - a bad one would be better than jail.  CAVEAT - is it close to you?  If she/you did not like facility doc/s, could you drive her to a doc of her/your choosing.

All income, from any source, should go to a payee.  

Please, please get involved w/ NAMI.  If the local group doesn't know the MH facility, call/email the state office to see what they say.

Pass the Woolis book around to your friends.  Get to know mental illness thoroughly yourself, via nami.org or www.mentalhealth.com

She is awfully sick.  Everyone's expectations should get way lower until she is better medicated and feeling better.  

N.B.  EVERYONE at any NAMI group you attend WILL UNDERSTAND.

Written in haste - write again sometime.