Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 10/18/2008

Question
I know I'm probably in a depressive state, but I'm confused. I was diagnosed with bi-polar close to five years ago. I am already 34. When I was diagnosed I had just lost a business my husband and I had owned and was also having marital problems. I was hospitalized and put on Depakote. After about 6 months I stopped taking my meds and did not show any symptoms of the disease for three years. I thought I had been misdiagnosed and must have just had a nervous breakdown; until about a year ago. I had continued council, so when I started having symptoms my doctor put me back on Depakote. At first I thought it was working, but since then I have started to loose control again. I am going to go back to get my meds changed again, but I just feel like I will never be able to live a normal life. I have always been told I was smart, but if I'm so smart why did I quit high school, then quit college twice. I feel like a failure and that doesn't include dealing with past abuse from my first husband, being on my third marriage and wanting more than anything to just stay drunk and start doing coke (again). I just want to feel like I'm a 34 year old woman who is a wife and a mother of three. I want to be able to cook a meal without using every dish in the house. I want to have a degree in something. I want to be able to clean our 2 bedroom apartment in less than a week. I want to not flirt with every cute 20 something guy I see and if I'm drinking much more. I feel like I have never grown up. I realize you may not have the answers to any of these questions, but if you could give me a little hope or at least some understanding it would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Misty

Answer
Hi Misty . . .

One of the chief symptoms of bipolar disorder is impulsivity. People with this disorder do all sorts of things in an impulsive manner and together with the poor judgment that also comes along with the disorder they causes all sorts of mischief.

Leaving school, flirting with inappropriate men, doing foolish things with money, getting speeding tickets, are all examples of things the people with poorly controlled bipolar disorder do. You should also remember this even if the disorder is controlled by the proper medication for 20-years, it is still there in the background.

What you should do:
I think you need to see a doctor who understands the long-term management of people with bipolar disorder. You will find such doctors on the faculty of medical schools and some such doctors are listed at:
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.psychiatrists.html

People with bipolar disorder who are properly treated can have full, enjoyable lives, but the disorder must be well controlled.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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