Expert: Jennifer - 11/19/2008

Question
Hello, I am a 20 year old female living in Texas, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I had 2 (what I think to be) panic attacks almost two years ago, and I had another one just last month. When they occur, I keep gasping and gasping for air, but can't seem to catch my breath, I have trouble even trying to think of what to think of (I just can't think), and I cry hysterically. The first two occurred when I was living far away from anyone I knew and I was on the verge of being homeless...again. The most recent attack occurred when I was scrambling to finish a 12 page GROUP project for college without the help of my group...so I'm thinking that they're brought on by stress.

Now, as for my day-to-day life, I never want to get out of bed (which makes life difficult with a nine-month-old daughter), no matter how long I've been in bed. It's a daily struggle to get out of bed to feed my daughter, and almost every day, I just get back in bed after making her a bottle. I'm always so depressed, and it just seems that nothing and no one can keep me happy anymore. This has caused me to lose more than one job and has almost cost me my relationship with my daughter's father more than once. It just feels like no one understands what's going on in my head. I get so angry so quickly at the smallest things, and I just want to yell at anyone who's near. I avoid going out into public as much as possible, and I have had to drop two classes due to this - I just can't stand being around people a lot of the time. I feel like everyone's staring at me and scrutinizing everything about me. I can't think straight at all most of the time, and I absolutely detest public speaking. The group project I was telling you about earlier was also a presentation to the class. We were the last group to go, and the entire 3-hour class, I was sweating profusely, wringing my hands so much that they became sore, and I completely forgot everything I had prepared the moment it was my turn to speak. For the past few years, I just can't help but feel as if I'm different than everyone else, and no one gets how hard and debilitating it can be. In middle school, I was diagnosed as depressed, but I think I may have been misdiagnosed. I was wondering if you had any sort of idea as to what could be wrong. I also would be interested in what you think my options are (medications, alternative therapy/medicine, etc.).

Thank you so much just for reading this long email. I just don't even know where to start thinking about what to do...which is one of my problems, ha. Any insight or resources you could offer will be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Ashley

Answer
Ashley -

  Well, from what you've told me, my opinion is that you're going through some post-partum depression, which should be discussed with your doctor sooner rather than later.
 Still, why do you seem to believe that you have to handle everything all on your own?  There's not a person on the face of this earth who has never struggled with trying to balance everything that is expected from an adult in life plus all the responsibilities that come with being a parent for the first or even the fifteenth time (if they claim otherwise, they're lying).  With the exception of those individuals who are blessed with having more money than anyone could know what to do with, can afford to employ someone else to raise their kids, and go through life without knowing what it means to work in order to earn money (which apparently frees up so much time in one's schedule that they can devote to sessions with a personal trainer, botox, airbrush-spray tans, and shopping for things to put in their closets but will never actually wear)...I think that the majority of people will acknowledge that there was an incredible jump in their stress levels after having kids, going to a post-secondary school (college and vocational training programs, etc.) to increase their earning ability, and having to figure out things for themselves because that's what's expected when you reach adulthood.  The important thing is to realize that unless you say something about what's going on to friends or family, there's no way they'll be aware of the situation, let alone understand.  The same goes for finding some help - you have to ask for help, since that's the only way that anyone's going to know that you need any assistance in the first place.  
 If you don't see some change for the better after talking to those people that are closest to you, the next option that I'd suggest would be to go talk to a counselor (you should be able to find one or be referred to someone through your school) or research what services are provided by your local social services agency which are designed to assist new parents with the challenges of balancing work/school with caring for their child(ren).   

If there's anything else I can help you with, please let me know.  Good luck!