Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 12/9/2008

Question
I have a 14 year old teen that is struggling in the school setting, he knows the work he is doing but he always feels like the teachers do not help him when he doesn't do the work the way they feel like it should be done, he is doing a home hospital for his core classes which works out great, and then he is a school for 1/2 of the day, when I talk to them they say when he has had issues in school he almost has a whatever attitude, not rude just ho hum, is this kind of a black out, or is it just a down in the world of bipolar, he does okay in school, except when there is a bump with the teachers, and then it is like he almost gives up, and somethimes I don't know what to do or to say to bring him out of his struggle, and it usually ends up in a bunch of frustration, and crying with both of us.

Answer
Teena:

Since your son is home part of the day anyway, is there a way to completely homeschool him?  Many of these kids thrive away from the traditional school setting.

There could be a couple of different things happening.  First, many kids comment that they are always told what not to do--but nobody shows them what TO DO.  Eventually, these kids give up because they feel lost.  Speak with his teachers. Find out if they actually show him what they want.  If not, set up a meeting with the principal and make it clear that he can't do what he isn't showed.  

This can be likened to a job where you go in the first day and are left to work without training.  The boss comes over and says "You are doing it wrong" and walks away.  You stand there completely confused. You now know how not to do the work but still have no clue on how to do it.  Does that make sense?

Another area to consider is whether or not your son may have one particular weakness that the teachers aren't noticing. I have seen kids tested at above average intelligence who have difficulty with numbers (discalculia) or reading.  Because they are so intelligent, the teachers refuse to consider a disability in one area-and label the child as lazy or defiant.

Is there a pattern to what subject your son always finds himself doing when he ends up frustrated or in trouble? As a parent, I'm afraid you will end up being the one that needs to investigate this. Your son may not see the pattern-and the teachers won't bother to try :-(

Try the above ideas to narrow things down and find the main problem and then you have a better chance of finding a way to avert the frustration.  

                           Joyce A. Anthony