Expert: Libby Bonner - 3/9/2008

Question
I have suffered many years of abuse and confusion, since I met my husband. And I am just now seeing the truth, that he is metally ill,and that it sound like BPD, but is BPD, the same as BP?? I want to seek help, there is not much left of my former self and I need to resolve things to save my daughter and myself. How do I help him see he need help?

Answer
BP is probably bipolar and BPD is probably bipolar disorder.  They are the same, and BPD is the preferred term.

Please go to nami.org to learn more about bipolar disorder.  You will also be able to locate a chapter/affiliate of NAMI near where you live.  Call all that are near you to see which has a support group for families and go to the support group.  If no support groups, at least go to the next NAMI meeting.  It will probably be a program w/ a speaker, but try to talk to the nicest person there to ask who you could talk to about your problems and what to do.  The person will probably be glad to have you call him/her, or they may suggest someone else at the meeting to ask for help.

You cannot get him to get treatment, probably, unless your life or his is threatened....and that is hard to prove.  The police might come and might or might not take him to a hospital.

You are going to need to focus on actions YOU can take, alone, or w/ the help of friends or famiily.  Do you have family or friends to help you?  Do you have friends/family who understand that he is not well?

Do you work?  If you moved out, could you support yourself and provide child care?  Would you have transporation?  Do you feel you would be in danger if you left?  Is there a women's shelter where you could go?

Who has the family's assets?  You co-own a house?  Co-own a savings or checking account?  Anything else?

Pls tell me a little about your situation.  You do need a plan that involves other helpful adults.

Here is a book you can get that will provide some immediate help.  Author is Woolis.  Title is When someone you love has a mental illness.  You won't feel, or be, so helpless after reading it, and it has some suggestions that you can put to immediate use.

There is a book about patients who don't want help.  Author is Amador.  Title is I am not sick; I don't need help.  Only get the later one - date is 2006 or 2007.  I don't hold out much hope w/ this UNTIL you are out and safe.....and.....its suggestions are wonderful, but not a sure thing AT ALL.

Getting you out, and listened to, and safe, and w/ a plan are the priorities...along w/ getting the Woolis book.  It has helped EVERYONE who has even used it.

Good luck and write soon.