Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 5/18/2008

Question
I was dating a man with bipolar disorder.  Both of us just got out of
three year long relationships.  He was engaged to his ex.  It was not a
healthy relationship.  She acted ashamed of him and turned her ring
around at work.  My former relationship wasn't healthy either.  Things
were moving quickly and going very smoothly.  We were both equally making
plans for the future and were very intense.  He told me he was bipolar
right before we started dating.  Monday night he was telling a coworker
about how excited he was to be going on vacation with me next month to
meet my family.  Then Tuesday, he called me in the afternoon from work
and told me he felt like he needed to breathe and that he was not in
his own body and he wanted to still go out on dates, but he needed some
time for himself.  He wanted to still do all of the things we planned,
and he was not breaking up with me.  He said he would call later, and
did not.  I left voicemails and texts and did not hear back which is
extremely unlike him.  The next morning he called and broke up with me
over the phone saying he needed time to figure out who he was and he
needed to be focused on himself and couldn't fully give me the attention I
need a deserve.  He had me come and get my stuff out of his house and we
gave eachother back the keys.  This change was all very sudden.  The
only mood change indication I got was Saturday when I had to work late
and so Sunday he told me he felt alone Saturday and I wasn't there to
entertain him.  I felt he was acting selfish and this was a behavior I
have never seen him exhibit.  What's up with the sudden change from him
telling me he's never felt as loved as I make him feel and we have a
bright future together to him totally cutting me out of his life?  I am
very confused as are all of our friends.  He is 28 years old and was
diagnosed about five years ago.  He takes a pill every night and sees a
doctor about it to get his refill.  He doesn't really open up to her from
what he says.  He says I did everything perfectly in the relationship
and it's him, not me.  Today I saw him at work.  He was purposefully
outside when I got there and he was acting like nothing had changed, yet
now this person who was totally codependent and needed my constant
attention has totally cut me out of his life.  He kept saying things like he isn't as great of a guy as I think he is and that my feelings for him aren't as strong as I think and I will realize that when we're apart.  The mutual friend I have checking up and hanging out with him says he didn't want to break up with me and he does not seem depressed and that I should e-mail him saying I understand he needs time and space and I will give him all the time and space he needs.  
His past 4 relationships were with women with severe issues.  I am successful, have a great job and have everything "together" and he told me no one had loved him as much and cared for him as much as I have since his grandmother who raised him.  He doesn't have any childhood memories and he got divorced 5 years ago b/c he was bipolar and wasn't diagnosed.  In the time we dated we never had a fight.  Never yelled at eachother and we got along fantastically.  It's like he became a differnt person Tuesday.  What's the deal and what should I do?  Thank you.

Answer
Dear Kelly,

What can I say. There are always certain risks when you commit yourself with a person with a mental disorder, because such person in not in complete control over their moods. It seems that the drugs he is taking is not doing anything to improve his situation, and perhaps he should look at alternative forms of treatment. This could be obtained from a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or Nutritional Psychologist. Please have a look at:

Self-help Personal Growth Psychotherapy at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.htm

and look up the section dealing with Bipolar Disorder.

In one way you are lucky that this split up happens now when you are not  yet married and have children.

I really cannot advise you whether or not to continue the relationship, but it seem he has mad up his mind about it for you.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman