Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 7/14/2008

Question
QUESTION: My 15 year old daughter just lost her big brother she is manic  most of the days and i really do not know what to do to help her she is in therapy but if she don't talk about it what is she to do please help me

ANSWER: Hi Kathie . . .

I am sorry to hear of the death of your son. The loss of a relative is handled differently by people. Some immediately cry and talk of the loss while other react emotionally, by having a mood episode of some sort, and only later talk about the feelings about the loss.

I think you have to remain sensitive to where your daughter is in the grief process. You should  not hide your grief or prevent you daughter see you crying or otherwise upset.

At some point you may want to meet with your daughter and her therapist to discuss the process of grief and mourning.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: this does not tell me how to handle the manic out bursts and the aggressive feeling she has. She will not hurt her self of any one but the verbal thrashing i and her dad are receiving is like we killed him  and took him from her. this is hurting us both and we need to find some kind of advise to ho to handle this it is very upsetting and i s causing her dad to have panic attacks  

Answer
Hi . . .

I suspect that my reply will disappoint you again. There is no simple solution to the essentially impossible situation you describe. The anger your daughter expresses toward you and your husband makes it impossible for you to comfort her, perpetuates her agony, and just increases your burden.

If i were treating any one of you I would insist that in addition to whatever individual psychotherapy people in the family were involved with, that there also be family therapy with a VERY EXPERIENCED family therapist. Your daughter must attend such family sessions even it at first she refuses to participate.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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