Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 9/2/2008

Question
QUESTION: My husband (55)of 28 years has a very strong genetic predisposition for depression, both mother and father's side had depression and other mental illnesses.  He had a major clinical depression in 2001. He couldn't eat, put his feet on the floor, drive, talk, etc. I along with family and meds brought him around but he never got back 100%.  Since 2001 he has had extreme stresses at work; stresses that no human could or should endure. He is a workaholic, and has something to prove. He rarely follows up with his psychiatrist or any other doctor for that matter. In all of our years together, I made every appointment and forced him to go.  He has been on Celexa since 2001 and Depakote was added in about 2003 for rage and sexual preocccupation issues.  He has never had these meds adjusted even though he has had all of these work stresses.  Over these last years, I have repeatedly asked him to go back to his doctor, etc. I knew he was still depressed.  4 Years ago, he moved us into a very expensive house and then put about 200,000 worth of improvements in it.  In May, he surprised me with a long weekend away for our 28th anniversary. For my birtday, he bought me very expensive jewelry.  He bought a sports car in April. 4 weeks ago,he told me he didn't know whether he wanted his job or wanted to be married any more.  I asked him to go back to his doctor. The psychiatrist told me he was overworked, overstressed, exhaused and depressed.  HE said he told him if he didn't balance his work life and home life, he would have a heart attack.  He change his medication to Pristiq and kept him on the Depakote.  After two weeks, the psychiatrist told me he didn't think he was thinking about leaving anymore and this was a phase he was going through.  He told me to go away with him as we had planned.  We went to Mexico and he was very nice, holding my hand, putting sunscreen on, etc. but was also fixated on the women and preoccupied.  He kept wondering about one woman in particular at the pool all week. He wanted her story.  He told me he didn't want to answer to anyone any more. He wants to live his own life the way he wants to.  He doesn't care if our children ever speak to him again.  Finally at the end of the week, sitting waiting for dinner with the woman from the poll area nowhere in sight and 4 hours removed from the pool atmosphere, he again said he needed to know her story.  We had an argument and he turned to me and said he didn't want to be married, doesn't;t love me the same, doesn't have that feeling any more and won't get it back and that he had just been going through the motions for the last 5-6 years.  I know this is not true.  There is a big difference between the things he did for me and just going through motions. He walked out without talking to either or our children one week ago. We have had no communication with him. I emailed him a nice note saying that I would still be his friend and he answered without any emotion and it was completely flat and business like and signed regards.  No on in either side of the family can believe this. Our neighbors and friends are stunned as well.  We are out every weekend for dinner and socalizing as a couple. He was my best friend and I his.  He only has 5 family members left. Me and our two grown chldren, his sister and his brother.  His parents are deceased (age 62 lung cancer)and his younger brother died at the age of 39 from depression, alcohol and cocaine overdose. My husband was the grandfather figure and the light of our lives. I don't know how to get him back so he can get the right help.  I am not sure if I should continue emailing him or give him space and not contact him.  The bottom line is that if he doesn't want to be with me after he is well. That would be okay with me.  I just know that this came from out of nowhere and it is not at all in his character. Is this jus this bipolar disorder or bipolar and mid life crisis? What are the outcomes of a marriage with these issues?  I love him and want to help him and stay with him. He text messaged my daughter that he has been feeling this way for 5-6 years but did not tell me. He said this is what caused his depression because he thought these feelings would go away and he didn't want to hurt me.  He told her he deserves to be happy.  All of our lives, he has told me that for as long as he can remember, even back to when he was a child, he was never happy or satisfied with anything. What do you think? Can you help me?

Gerry

ANSWER: Dear gerry,

This is a most difficult situation to be in for you and your family. We need to realize that he is is mentally ill, and depressed and as such he tends to project this on to his family and believes that his happiness must be lying somewhere else.
Hence his interest in other women (the grass is greener around the corner), but it does not matter what he does he is not going to be happy, because he is suffering from an inner metabolic disorder that is unable to produce the feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin.

The trouble with conventional treatment with drugs is that they only mask the symptoms of mood disorders but do little to address the underlying biochemical causes.

A lot can be done with additional nutritional treatment. For instance if he is manic then he should be supplemented with lecithin. Please search our web engine at our web site for LECITHIN.

I suggest that you read:

Self-help Personal Growth Psychotherapy at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html

and concentrate on the articles dealing with Bipolar Disorder and ask the psychiatrist to have your husband also referred to a Nutritional Doctor, a Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist if he wants to. He probably needs a combination of dug and/or nutritional therapy. If he is aware that there is something wrong with him, the above article will help him very much helping himself.

I so hope that I have been of some assistance.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Should I continue to try to reach out and be a friend to him even though it is so devastating? Do these combinations of midlife crisis along with bipolar disorder ever turn around?
Gerry

Answer
Dear Gerry, This all depends on his motivation. He is the one hat can help himself, but he needs to be motivated. It seems to me that all you can do is point him in the right direction. Our web site is designed to help people who want to help themselves, but if they are not motivated there is little you can do.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman