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Bipolar Disorder/Bipolar Ex husband and children
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Question
Dear Jeniffer,
I have been dealing with my ex husband and his bipolar for the last 15 years. We are divorced and have 2 children , aged 12 and 7. He was diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago and have been on a roller coaster ride ever since. His longest time he has been on a level was for 5 years. The older he is getting, the worse it seems to get. He is a pathological liar and has caused great hurt and shame to my family. He steals when he is desperate and has been fired from countless jobs. HE makes every effort to phone his children every day and while he has a job, he makes the effort to see them once or twice a week. He has finally got to the bottom again, and after lying to us for the last 6 weeks about having a job and being able to pay maintenance, we have now found out that he is living in a halfway house sponsored by the church for the last month and there never was a job. My question to you is how to procede with the children. Do I stop him seeing/phoning them all together (which I would love to do) or do I still allow him to phone them ? I want to know which way to procede that is in the best interest of my children.
Many thanks
I would recommend against preventing any contact between your ex and the children you have from that relationship, mostly because of how frequently that seems to push the individual who is being cut out of the picture towards violence or other endangering behaviors. Here in the U.S., we've seen many child abductions by non-custodial parents who felt they had no other options, and these are parents who do not have bipolar! If you have the ability to arrange for supervised visits, I would suggest trying that out. All children need a father, even if their father is bipolar, it's important that they have the opportunity to have a relationship with him. As they get older, you can give them the decision about what they would like to do in terms of how often they are in contact with him.
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Answers by Expert:
Jennifer
Expertise
I am available to answer questions of a general nature about bipolar disorder, provide online resources that address bipolar disorder in a more in-depth manner and sources to serve as a starting point for those looking for substantial information on the illness from a healthcare professional approach. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, my background is based in personal experience and extensive reading in my own process of understanding my diagnosis. I can also take questions that deal with the social issues surrounding bipolar disorder such as relationships; coping for family, friends, and the patient; marriage, choosing to start a family and related. Answers to questions of a legal nature will provide general information but anyone with a serious legal problem should consult an attorney licensed to practice in their jurisdiction.
Experience
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II in 2000; as a SSI beneficiary, have experience and knowledge of the limitations and processes involved with the program; I understand the moods, the feelings, the worries, the doubts, and a lot more that there's not enough room to express - from the personal experiences of being bipolar. I have first-hand experience with the challenges of returning to college following hospitalizations and various combinations of medications that were tried before my doctor and I finally arrived at the most effective medication program for my treatment. My family and I have learned so much about each other in the process of dealing with the highs and lows that followed my diagnosis. I've had relationships with someone who also is bipolar and someone that is not - romantic relationships are no easier on either side! I feel that many of the ideas and beliefs that people have regarding bipolar disorder and those who have the condition promote the continuation of social stigmas associated with mental illness in general, and after learning from others with bipolar disorder, hope to guide others who may be trying to navigate the government health care system,& share information on other possible means of obtaining assistance with the cost of medications and/or mental health services and limited financial assistance programs for meeting basic living expenses for qualified individuals, dealing with problems from or with family & loved ones, co-occurring substance abuse problems, medications and side-effects (and when it feels like nothing will work, or why it's not helping the situation to ask whether or not a patient has taken their 'meds' when they seem hostile or moody to those around them).
Education/Credentials
I have a B.A. in Liberal Arts and will earn my J.D. upon completion of the Spring 2011 term after which I will be preparing to take the multi-state bar exam.
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