Expert: Jennifer - 12/9/2009

Question
I just had some questions regarding my friends behaviors thats very concerning and worrisome to myself and many others.

She is now 27, but grew up in an extremely abusive environment including every kind of abuse possible. Lately, well for the past few yers she has completely not been herself. Has been mean, hateful, depressed, hyper, nearly been fired from jobs, almost been arrested, and has have had lawsuits for spending money wildy with credit cards then never paying them. I mention to her that she has something wrong mentally, but she denies it and gets very angry. She will sway back in forth with saying she know she needs some medication to that she doesnt need medication and that it just shows weakness. I'm worried because at times she gets homicidal thoughts, but has never acted out on them, THANKFULLY. She has told me she wanted to stab people in the neck with scissors, to pushing them in front of cars, or do whatever to make them feel pain.
The mood swings are horrible and nearly uncontrollable. Has a hard time at work with keeping focused as her mind will never slow down. She cannot keep any relationships longer than a few months because of the severity of mood swings, and will withdraw from everyone and go back into a shell. Then she will say shes not really sure if shes feeling what shes thinking she feels that shes confused about it all, thinking that she might be lying to herself that something is wrong when it really isnt.

Are these symptoms typical from the happiness, hyperness and meanness to dpressed and violent thoughts normal? I know the violent thoughts are bad as she was ready to stab someone in the neck with scissors and smash her dogs head against the wall corner. Her dog is her world and there is so much love between them that that comment really scared me bad.

What or how do I need to convince her that she really needs to seek help? I know at one point during her juvenile years she was court ordered to see a therapist, but fought it and never went until they pulled her in for some kind of adjudication in the courts. They eventually released her from all court order therapy. I'm very scared for my friend. Could this be signs of bi polar or something else? Many people have said to her that she was bipolar and needed medication and she gets angry and ready to hit them.

How do I help my friend? Im very scared for her. Also she doesnt have any health insurance so I know that is also holding her back. She tried to get into the military and they denied her for unstableness.  

Answer
Unfortunately, I can't tell you that there is a way to convince someone that they need help, because there isn't one.  The only person that has the responsibility and the ability to do something about the problems going on is your friend, which is true for all of us who face the situation where there is something we need help with but for whatever reason continue to act in ways to avoid getting that help.  While I cannot provide a diagnosis because I'm not a medical professional and this format can often mean there is incomplete information vital to such a process through no fault of the individual asking the question.

I would recommend that you try talking to your friend about your fears, but don't bring up what you feel is the best way to "fix" the problem - let her talk about that, and really listen to the things she says about the situation without judging or telling her what she should do.  The best thing that you can do for her with the current circumstances is to be a good friend and being there to just listen.  Sometimes that's all it takes for someone to realize it's time to get help from a professional. (Exercise caution about the particular moment you decide to ask her about what's going on, otherwise she may be unreceptive to telling you how she feels and why, etc.)

Let me know if there's anything further I can help you with.