Expert: Jennifer - 12/3/2009

Question
My (ex)boyfriend has been diagnosed as biolar 3-4 years ago. He told me that he has been taking medication but then he stopped, becuase he belived that it was not good for him. I've known him for 6 years but we have only started to seriously date 2 years ago.He has been always having kind of yes/no attitude and I put up with it. I loved him and thought none is perfect.When he was in a great mood, he coudl be very funny and charming.

This summer I decided to move 10.000km, leave my flat, my job, my friends, in order to live with him (he insisted!). We had a busy and hectic summer, visiting his and my family back home and with time, he was becoming more moody, distant and unpleasent.Two days before getting onto the plane, me having one suitcase with me and the rest was being shipped, he told me that he was not sure if I should come and live with him.
I thought if this man wants to ruin my life!This was something we were talkign about for almost a year and now when it was actually happening he was telling me this!I couldn't belive it.
Nevertheless, I thought I should be the strong one, he might be stressed becuse of us meeting each other families, me moving and so on. When I have arrived to his/our place, he was still very unpleasent, rude and distant. I didn't feel welcomed. I felt he would be more pleasent to a random person he woudl meet on a street than me.
I am normally very easygoing, chatty, happy and positive person and I belive life is good. However, after those 6 weeks with him, I was waking up in the night, with I guess sort of anxiaties (never had them really so i'm not sure how it feels), but I felt I couldn't breath. I couldn't be myself, I never smiled and he hardly talked to me. Then I realised that this wouldn't be good for my health eaither and I told him that I have to leave, in order to gather my thougths.

Since I left, he has been sending me lots of emails, flowers chocolates and sweet notes, something he has never done before. He appologized many times and asked for forgivness (and I know he is kind of a man for whome this is difficult). Now, he would like to see me and want to give it another go. He has been reading lot of books about different love languages within couples and it seems as if he has been really working hard on understanding on what has happend between us. I think that he should be also questioning more him and his actions adn reactions.

Now, my question is, can I trust him, that he has changed and that there won't be any big episodes (like the one before we got on that plane)? Also, he is not considering taking medication, he menioned that he will try to take the necessary additive through food. Can this be sufficient?
I used to love this man, to think he is the one.But after these episodes I got very hurt and disrespected that for me it is difficult to belive that he truely cares about me (although he keeps telling me that he does).
Thank you for your help!

Answer
If he's already acted in a way that demonstrates a difficulty with following through on something that has been in the plans for almost a year, and then when you arrive, makes you feel unwelcome %26 essentially continues to do so until you leave for a period of time that is long enough for him to begin questioning whether his decision to act that way was the wrong thing to do and goes into making attempts to start the "indecision process" all over again - I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him.  

I know that some people disagree with the majority of professionals in mental health who treat mental illnesses with medication, but I am not one of those people.  Diet, exercise, learning proper stress management techniques and adequate sleep are simply supplementary parts of mental health treatment with patients who are diagnosed with a mental illness; medications are the primary method, and have been proven to be effective while the use of only supplementary methods without medication is why many medical professionals consider doing that as simply delaying when a patient will be open to beginning medications and sometimes can indirectly harm because of a patient's insistence on there having to be "another way" and may even decide that they don't need any care at all.  This man needs medication, and food or nutrition supplements simply do not have the ability to replace meds.

He may care about you, but he has to understand that until he cares about himself enough to begin proper treatment so he is capable of truly loving someone else which can only happen with clarity he can't achieve without such treatment, he won't be able to be the partner you deserve and need for a healthy relationship.  If he reaches that point in the future, and it's meant to be, you will see him again at the right time. I hope that this helps you, please feel free to update me on the situation in the future.