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Expert: - 2/20/2009


Question
My girlfriend was diagonaised with bi-polar about a year ago but stopped taking her meds because they made her sleepy at work.We dated for three years and during this time she has had some type of arguement with most friends and co-workers, some even ending long good relations.Then two months ago,she accused me of having an affair with one of her friends because I met her at a store to help me select a christmas for my girlfriend.Now from that time on she closed dowand to this day has not responed to me in any way, but two days ago her boss lady called me about being concerned that she has dated a new guy three times and says she's in love and getting married.I'm wondering how we went from a fairly good relationship nto here. Would bi-polar contribute to this.

Answer
A friend of mine and I had a falling out a number of years ago because her husband and I had had several lengthy conversations that stemmed from a single question; "How do I be my wife's friend?".  Regardless of what the purpose may have been for your own meeting with your girlfriend's friend, you have to remember (much as I had to learn in my own situation) that people have boundaries, especially in their romantic relationships, some of them are deal breakers if their partner has crossed them - even if it was never mentioned in any context at any point in time before.  You never know if your girlfriend had dealt with a past problem involving the friend that you met up with at the store, in which the friend tried to move in on a guy (or he made advances towards the friend) knowing full well that your girlfriend had something going with him.  I had no idea that my friend had been stewing for years about my dating a guy she liked - until he and I had parted ways I didn't even know that she knew him - and so trying to help her husband be her friend brought everything she was angry at me about from the past boiling to the surface.  I can't honestly tell you that it's impossible for the problems she's had with various friends are because of her going off her meds, because it could very well be that these arguments were based on very valid issues.

  If it's been two months without any responses to you from her, I would be inclined to tell you that should you get another call from her boss, you need to politely let her know that you are not able to get involved in the personal affairs of your ex nor do you think it's appropriate.  Bipolar or no, you shouldn't worry about why she acted the way she did, since the only one who has any answers about the subject would be her.  Take some time to evaluate your part of the relationship, adjust things if needed, and accept the decision to move on she has made, and it is a good opportunity for you to do the same.

Bipolar Disorder

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Jennifer

Expertise

I am available to answer questions of a general nature about bipolar disorder, provide online resources that address bipolar disorder in a more in-depth manner and sources to serve as a starting point for those looking for substantial information on the illness from a healthcare professional approach. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist, my background is based in personal experience and extensive reading in my own process of understanding my diagnosis. I can also take questions that deal with the social issues surrounding bipolar disorder such as relationships; coping for family, friends, and the patient; marriage, choosing to start a family and related. Answers to questions of a legal nature will provide general information but anyone with a serious legal problem should consult an attorney licensed to practice in their jurisdiction.

Experience

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II in 2000; as a SSI beneficiary, have experience and knowledge of the limitations and processes involved with the program; I understand the moods, the feelings, the worries, the doubts, and a lot more that there's not enough room to express - from the personal experiences of being bipolar. I have first-hand experience with the challenges of returning to college following hospitalizations and various combinations of medications that were tried before my doctor and I finally arrived at the most effective medication program for my treatment. My family and I have learned so much about each other in the process of dealing with the highs and lows that followed my diagnosis. I've had relationships with someone who also is bipolar and someone that is not - romantic relationships are no easier on either side! I feel that many of the ideas and beliefs that people have regarding bipolar disorder and those who have the condition promote the continuation of social stigmas associated with mental illness in general, and after learning from others with bipolar disorder, hope to guide others who may be trying to navigate the government health care system,& share information on other possible means of obtaining assistance with the cost of medications and/or mental health services and limited financial assistance programs for meeting basic living expenses for qualified individuals, dealing with problems from or with family & loved ones, co-occurring substance abuse problems, medications and side-effects (and when it feels like nothing will work, or why it's not helping the situation to ask whether or not a patient has taken their 'meds' when they seem hostile or moody to those around them).

Education/Credentials
I have a B.A. in Liberal Arts and will earn my J.D. upon completion of the Spring 2011 term after which I will be preparing to take the multi-state bar exam.

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