Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 2/4/2009

Question
I have been married to my BP husband for 2 years now. I didn't think living with a BP husband would be this bad. In our part of the world Bipolarity is so poorly diagnosed and even worse trying to keep up with his psychiatrist. He is never available. My husband takes lithium and 2 more mood stabilizers. The marriage has been hell, I must admit. I love him very much but I fear that I am loosing the love. I think I will be fine as I am a Psychologist. My question is; can I actually count on his decisions that concern both of us? I have suffered bad decisions before. And if I bring up this issue, it could flare things up. He is an Egyptian Arab, and a man in this part of the world is ruler of his home/woman. His culture and mine clash as a woman and her role in life. Egyptian men look down on women. It's a man's world here. But I'm not Egyptian and could not accept any of the things Egyptian women accept. See, now how do I tell him we have to make our decisions together?? I will write you some more on the Egyptian/Islamic/being a musician conflicted Bipolarity. It's very interesting.
Thanks

Answer
Hi Layla . . .

Between the bipolarity and thew cultural factors, the situation you describe is a VERY difficult one. People with bipolar disorder often tend to be somewhat dictatorial and often try to control those around them, because they are convinced that they have a deeper understanding of situations than anyone else. If this is added to a culturally determined attitude that they, because of their sex, should control their partner, the situation is doubly difficult.

I think psychotherapy for yourself would give you an opportunity to explore your feelings and help you make the right decision as to what you wish to do about your current situation. I have no idea how you would go about finding such a psychotherapist but I think you might consider looking for a female psychotherapist who was trained in England, France or the USA.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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