Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 3/13/2009

Question
My fiance and I have been together for over 15 years and he has been on a downward spiral for the last 4-5 years.  He has several family members that have been diagnosed with bipolar and he does not have a good relationship with either of them.  So there's no talking to them about it, which they do not take their medication regularly anyways......  He has recently been prescribed zoloft and was helping a little bit.  He ran out and when I got the prescription refilled this last time, he will go a couple of days really nice and then every tiny thing makes him over the top mad and will stay that way for weeks...... I have tried to tell him I think he may have bipolar because the zoloft is not working and he just gets even more mad and blames everything on me and everything is always my fault.  I don't know what else to do,,,,,,,please help!!!!!  How do I get him to talk to his doctor about bipolar disorder?

Answer
Hi Grace . . .

As you have probably figured out there is no way that you can become responsible for what someone else does. You only have control over yourself. Unfortunately, people often do things that end up causing themselves, and those around them, a lot of pain. This is especially true of people who have bipolar disorder. The illness causes them to be 100% convinced that they know best, that they are fine, and that doctors and medication are their enemy. This attitude, and the behavior it causes, often leads to romantic relationships failing.

You might see if there is a chapter of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) close to you. Most DBSA chapters have what are kn own as "friends and family" groups for those in relationships with people with mood disorders. Please see:
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupport

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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