Expert: Libby Bonner - 3/16/2009

Question
I think I may have bi-polar disorder.
I experience extreme periods of depression and feelings of hopelessness and personal disgust- like thinking I'm ugly and lonely and sometimes anger and rage. But then I can just snap out of it and become happy - and I have wild aspirations and I feel I can achieve anything and feel important and special. And whether I am happy or sad I can get so obsessive about things like class work sometimes but then, at other times, just completely not care about it.

The thing is - maybe I don't have bi-polar because I am still able to function (I can go to work and I am studying). Bt when I am depressed, although I can just about force myself to get on with things, I struggle. Like today - I've missed class because I just feel like things are hopeless and I can't concentrate very well. And I often burst into tears at work or class and I feel like I can't cope with things that shouldn't matter. And when I'm having a "downer" I feel like people don't like me or are avoiding me. The other thng is that I wouldn't say that when I'm happy I have huge amounts of energy - I wouldn't describe my behaviour as "manic" just louder and more sociable and more positive than usual. also, I used to experience symptoms of OCD - bt I've managed to get it under control now - it was mainly linked to anxiety and - well - actually my OCD got really bad a few years ago when I suffered personal problems in my life and I spiralled into extreme periods of despair and I completely messed up my school work so that I could no longer go in. But I never got treated for it because everytime I booked an appointment to the doctors, by the time I got there I wasn't feeling that despair anymore - I was normal again.

Another thing I should mention is I think my mood swings get more intense near my period - although I get mood swings pretty much every week of my life. And I'm frightened of going to the doctors because the thing is...if I'm coping okay now - then is there really any need to get treatment? Can I just handle this by myself - without drugs? I don't want to be stigmatised and I don't want to be a victim. And the truth is that I am quite a self-aware, intelligent person and I could just be overanaylsing myself and imagining it. I just want to feel stable - balanced. It's not fair that just when I feel like everything is so great - my mood changes and I get angry or depressed. I don't even know if I want to know the answer to this question, now, because I don't want to be bi-polar. My bf says I am imagining it and overreacting and that I am fine bt I just need to learn to think about things in a positive way and not get stuck in a hole of depression so easily. He says I am seeing bi-polar symptoms because I want to see them. Maybe he is right? In fact - I am positive that I don't want to go to the doctor about this because I am sure it will make everything worse. Can you give me any advice as to how to control my mood swings without medical treatment?

Answer
"Can you give me any advice as to how to control my mood swings without medical treatment?"    Nope.

"It's not fair ..."   Life is unfair. Chronic illness is one of the first big unfairnesses that a young person might encounter.

"if I'm coping okay now...", which you are not:  a couple of days or weeks of "coping" mixed in w/ a majority when you are not, is NOT coping.   And, dear person, you are stigmatizing yourself:   persons who cope are good persons, while persons who cannot cope, for any reason but esp mental illness, are Bad Persons.  Not fair to yourself.
Also, for the majority of days/yr, you are not coping v well.

"I just want to feel stable - balanced."  And THAT is why people go to psychiatrists, to get as stable and balanced, with meds, as possible.  What a relief!!  Should make everything better, but it will take a little time of trying meds, in case the first does not do it.

Promise me you will mention the OCD to the doc.  
You mention that you have not been manic; apparently, from your description, you have had hypomania - a state we would all like to be, all the time!

Hate to cross bridges ahead, but:  once started on meds, right dose/s, right med/s, you will feel much better and then you will decide you are well and can stop the meds.  DON'T STOP THE MEDS.

Good luck. Make the appt.  Keep the appt.  Keep the next appt, etc.

(You lose me w/ the victim remark?  How would you be, or are you, a victim????)