Expert: Joyce A. Anthony - 3/25/2009

Question
What can children do if they have a bipolar parent, and the parent degrades them calls them the B word, and verbally abuses them or any of their friends.   What do they do when the parent is in a manic state and there is no reasoning with them what so ever?  Do they have rights to defend themselves?  Can they leave?  The person I know is 18 years old and she has 3 younger siblings, and the environment is really bad!!!    There is drinking [and yes the 16 year old can drink and get stoned] right there in the home.  There is pornography openly viewed in the home with children in age from 18 to 10 years old.  The mother seems to be addicted to sex, and she has had sex with boys the daughter goes to school with.  I don't know what to tell this girl because her mother has kicked her out of the house because the girl has found a boyfriend and they truly care for each other.  I feel the mother maybe jealous of the daughter because of this, and the boyfriend has said the mother made a pass at him early in their relationship.  The daughter still has two months of high school left, and no family or friends to turn too.  What should I tell her to do?  I live out of state, so she can't come here until school is over.   Please help me guide her in the right direction.   She says when her mom gets like this, there is no reasoning with her at all!

Answer
Hi Brennah:

At this point, the best advice for your friend is to contact the Office of Children and Youth (sometimes goes by a different name depending on where she is). They will not only help her, but also her younger siblings. If she can't find the number, have her call the child abuse hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD and they will help her find a local organization.  If all else fails, tell her to go to the local police station and explain what is happening and they will call the ones who can help.

No child should stay in an abusive situation, but fighting and running away are not options that help. They only make the situation worse for the child.  Please advise your friend to do one of the above. As another alternative, she can go to her school principal or counselor and they can help her.

                    Joyce A. Anthony