Expert: Jennifer - 3/13/2009

Question
A woman I knew from my job, whom I hadn't seen in quite a while, looked me up and called me about a year ago. She told me that she really cared for me, though she had never said so before, and missed me. She was,for a while, from the time of that call, the most happy, loving, sweet, caring, fun person I think I've ever met in my life. She would text me constantly, and when we did see each other, she was allways very vocal about her feelings for me and very affectionate and warm. I was, "swept off my feet", in love.  I did notice that she was a bit jumpy, easily distracted at times a bit nervous for no apparent reason. Usually though, just wonderful. After a few months, her personality shifted slowly from loving and happy and warm, to quiet, and withdrawn. Eyes that used to sparkle, no longer did. She even stopped wearing make up, doing her hair, or even dressing in anything but sweats. She stopped wearing any jewelery also. She started at the same time, cleaning her house, for hours, daily. Each day for about 2 months. all free time was spent scrubbing her house. It never did seem to get finished. She became very withdrawn and finally just began being angry and very cold toward me. She never really said why. She did once mention that long before I knew her, she a few times had thoughts of hurting herself. She also asked me several times, when she was happy and lovable, when we first were togther, "So, what would it take to push you away?, To make you not want to be around me?" I would say, why do you ask that and she would just say, "Someday when the time is right you are going to find out". She now does not answer my calls or speak to me. Not even just to "say goodbye" and let me know that I should not try to contact her anymore. I have stopped trying to contact her. It's as if the personality I knew shut down like a setting sun. I am not picking on her. I care for her very much. Could she be bipolar and just never wanted to say anything to me? If so, does that mean it's possible the person I care so much for may one day be back? Or am I likely just feeling bad myself that she is no longer interested in our friendship and relationship? Please respond. Thank you for your time.

Answer
"She would text me constantly, and when we did see each other, she was always very vocal about her feelings for me and very affectionate and warm. I was, "swept off my feet", in love.  I did notice that she was a bit jumpy, easily distracted at times a bit nervous for no apparent reason. Usually though, just wonderful"

From my experiences, nervousness, jumpy, and easily distracted - for what appears to be..no apparent reason.. usually is the big flashing neon sign that says "I'm hiding something" or "You are not being told everything" that people complain they never see.  While it may be that she's just an anxious person who never lies under the penalty of instant death, there's generally a more 'normal' explanation.  Perhaps its as simple as a recently ended relationship that turned out to have rekindled with a new beginning; either way, there's not really going to be a chance for you to hear any answers from her because she's decided that she won't let herself hear any questions from you at this point.

 "She also asked me several times, when she was happy and lovable, when we first were together, "So, what would it take to push you away?, To make you not want to be around me?" I would say, why do you ask that and she would just say, "Someday when the time is right you are going to find out"."

If this was a multiple choice test, or a "vote for what you think the cause might be" kind of process, my best guess (because without the full story from an unbiased perspective, I am stuck doing exactly that..guessing...) would lean towards borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder.  She could also just be a person that has become hostile and bitter over the inability to make decisions in her life that she's stuck with or made before one was made for her.  Should there ever be a time later down the road where she does initiate contact with you, that is the time to ask her "so what the he-- happened?!" -- until then, keep your focus on the woman who may be walking toward you, you know, the one you'll totally miss if you keep looking back behind you.