Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 4/26/2009

Question
my wife and i have been married 10years  we have 3 young children.  we are both 45.  she has always been tough to read  and goes through episodes of depression at least twice a year.  She lives for theatre and always has which i have supported.  she just got done with a huge show that enveloped her for months.  now she wants a divorce.  she fell in love with a fellow actor who did not respond.  she then fell into a very bad depression.  she finally went to a counselor but i do not believe that she is fully divulging her past.  she can turn on a dime emotionally.  if she feels threatened at all she shuts down and becomes extremely agitated and mean.  she will lay in bed for days feeling depressed.   she thinks that we are chaos together.  this i do not believe.  she says that she needs to be alone and strong like before we met.  with no thought to our family.   she is extremely narcississtic and does not think much about everyone else.  I realize that she is going through a midlife crisis but I do believe that she may be bipolar.  It does seem to be in her family.  I just do not know what to do.  my counselor believes she is just from my descriptions of her behavior.  she has finally agreed to see a counselor together but i do not think that she is going willingly and i am afraid that if the counselor suggests bipolar she will walk out.  I do not want to lose my wife.  I love her to much  any advice you can give me would be helpful   thanks
frai
hreaten

Answer
Hi Mark . . .

The situation you describe is difficult at best and quite possibly impressible. People with bipolar disorder have a much higher divorce rate than the general public because of their impulsivity and poor judgment. They often do what feels good at the moment rather than considering the long-term implications of their actions. Of course, the lack of insight + grandiosity often leads them to believe that they do not have a problem at all.

While couples therapy may be of some use, getting your wife to see a psychiatrist, familiar with the diagnosis and treatment of individuals with bipolar disorder, would be ore useful if it could be made to happen.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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