Expert: Joanne Chang - 10/18/2010

Question
My husband has colon cancer, he has always had a problem with anger but now it has gotten worse. our daughter and I cant do anything right and he takes everything out on us. he is up all night going to the toilet, throwing everything cussing, yelling at the top of his lungs, because he crapped his pants. we get no sleep and I have to work and daughter is in college.he yells at her to get a job.His older daughter from a previous marrage is bipolar, and I am wondering if she got it from him, as mother hasn't got it,he is so demanding it is terrible, I can't keep up with the bills, and our home is in forclosure, so its all my fault, I have my own business so I should be able to pay for anything he wants.we have 25 horses we have to feed and he won't let us get rid of any of them, so I have to take the mortage money and buy hay for the animals.my business has gone down like everyone elses.I don't know what to do my daughter wants to move and leave him. I just want to never wake up, I am so tired. the dr told him in march he had a stage 2 cancer but he won't do anything except herbs. I hate to leave and then he will have no one.but I don't think i can out live him. I am also a cancer survivor and sometimes I feel he wants to put me under so much pressure I will get sick and then he can do what he wants. I am working 16 hours a day and I can't do anymore plus up all night do you have any suggestions

Answer
Hi Dela,

Very sorry to hear of your current difficulties. You are certainly having to deal with a lot.

Is your husband seeing a psych professional to help him cope emotionally?
If not, this might be a good idea. Usually, the oncologist would be able to make a referral.

Certainly, the current situation cannot continue as your health is important.  There is no justification for verbal abuse. Are you seeing a professional currently as well? If not, please consider doing so as he / she could get further details on your current situation to better advise of necessary steps in moving forward.

In dealing with your current financial situation, you have to do what you must to survive re. the horses, etc. Is there a relative or friend that your husband trusts / has listened to in the past?  Sometimes having a third party mediate might help.

I sincerely hope that things will improve for your whole family.

Best wishes,
Joanne