Expert: Ivan Goldberg, M.D. - 10/26/2010

Question
 i left my husband several times because he couldn't control his temper. i know what it's like pressure marks on my neck and bruises every ware else. one time i didn't think was going to stop till i was dead. the last time it got that bad was 2 years ago, but every time he shows any anger i get scared. i finely got tired of living in fear, and i didn't want our 2 year old son to grow up in it. i finely left agen may 1st with the determination to stay gone. (even if it meant being a kid in my mothers house for a wile). I'm 28 years old now, and I'm finely getting an indentity of my own. I'm taking better care of both myself and my son. my husband says he is seeing a councilor but he won't say who and he does lie to get what he wants. his family says he feels guilty and he is working on himself for me, but i have heard that many times before. not only is his family trying to help him get me back, some of my family members are hoping for that to. they believe till death do us part. me? i don't want to risk him loosing his temper agin. what if  next time he comes after me and my son is in the way? i don't want to loose the identity and independence i finely have. I'm doing so much better without him. my question is should i do what every one else wont or is it safe to trust my own decisions'

Answer
Hi Emma . . .

People who are in situations similar to yours often feel great conflict. They know what is the right thing for them to do, and they are exposed to the opinions of others who often try to tell them what to do . . . what is "right."

Sometimes family pressures are so strong that people give in to them and do something that they know is not right for them. This often leads to suffering if not to tragedy.

If you have doubts about what you want to do, you might want to meet with a counselor or therapist a few times to clarify your thinking.

Best regards . . .

Ivan
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