Expert: Jennifer - 2/22/2010

Question
Hi Jennifer

Thanks for your help.

I've been going out with a bipolar girl for two years. At the start of our relationship she called it off because she thought it was too much 'pressure'. I realised she didn't have her bipolar under control and after she agreed to see a new doctor and subsequently a new psychiatrist - she became much better - all with good results. And we fell back into a great and loving relationship.

As I'm sure you know too well - there was still some rapid-cycling times when she was not 'right' as such and sometimes - as she put it - her brain 'wasn't right'. During this period she would start to question many things in her life - sometimes including me - however I always offered her reassurance and continued to care and love her.

Over the past couple of weeks things have spiralled down slightly. She suddenly wanted some reassurances from me regarding what we want for the future - inparticular moving in together, getting married and having kids. I told her that 'yes' - these are still all on the cards (a lot of these emotions were triggered by her going to a girlfriend's wedding, having her 38th birthday and her grandmother becoming  ill - all quite understandable).

When talking to her about all of these though - I could see she was having trouble processing it all. She kept shaking her head, telling me she wished her 'head would stop', that she 'hates this feeling' and then sleeping excessively afterwards. Her home was also a complete mess which I know by now - is not a good sign...

Two days later - more questions regarding the above - again I reassured her where we both stood. And at work the next day she told me she wasn't good again - I asked if she had any doubts about us and she said 'no, - why - should I? That will make me think about that now'.

That night she didn't want me to come over and when she got home from work she just slept right through to the next day.

The next night I went and saw her and again - she was excessively tired and not good at all. She was glassy eyed, disacoting and she was even showing me the scars on her wrist where she had once tried to commit suicide - although she told me she'd never do that again. Again - she was banging her head - and shaking it - saying she 'had all these thoughts trying to get to the front'.

She went to bed and I had no contact with her until she texted me saying she didn't want to see me that morning - but wanted to talk later in the day. She said she hadn't been to sleep - went for a walk around 2am and then drove a considerable distance because she 'needed to think'.

When I met her later she told me she thought we needed a break - and that she 'needed space'. She also said she loved me but wasn't 'in love' with me anymore.

We discussed all this calmly but she said she 'wished her head would stop'.

I have given her the space she asked for and haven't contacted her for three days.

This was a girl who I saw and spoke to every day - and now - nothing.

Any thoughts on what is going on? Am I handling this the right way?

Thanks for any kind help - I 'd really appreciate it

Regards Scott Patterson

Answer
You didn't mention whether or not this woman has been prescribed medications as the primary means of treatment for bipolar disorder symptoms.  If she is currently prescribed medication(s#, she may need to go back in to see her psychiatrist and discuss with that person whether or not it would be a good idea to change or modify what %26 how much she's taking.

Still, she seems to have indicated that the relationship is over, though she may have feelings for you - I'm guessing it's just no longer in a romantic sense that they #her feelings) exist. The best thing for you to do now is to begin going on with your life, if it's meant to be with you and this woman, you'll know.  If it isn't, you'll be glad that you didn't end up waiting around and losing valuable time in the process just to find that out.